The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a strong Alanon believer and I know you are not supposed to advise people. However Iām in this really difficult situation. My 31 year old daughter is an alcoholic the whole past year has been a roller coaster ride. Sheās been to detox 3 times, output therapy 1 time and then finally a 60 day rehab. She has been sober 5 months this time but last year was sober 6 months and relapsed so Iām not comfortable at this point and guess I will never be. The issue is in the past child protective services had to get involved because she was passed out alone with the kids a 5 year old and twin 2 year olds. Her husband finally got it that the kids cannot be left with her while drinking. Sheās a smart educated individual which no one would imagine she could neglect her children. Anyway I get the detaching from the alcoholic which I could easily do if it wasnāt for the kids. I watch them probably more than my daughter of her husband. I worry constantly about their safety and live in fear sheāll relapse and hurt them. How can I make any progress when Iām in fear for my grandkids all the time. Also every day I have to face the fact that my daughter has neglected her kids and I canāt quite bdlidve it. How do you detach when in this situation? I actually helped her from having them press charges and sometimes wish Iād had let her get charged and go to jail. Next time I will.
((Seeking Freedom)) Welcome I do hear you and understand your ongoing dilemma. You are not alone. I too protected my son who had been to numerous rehabs and had regrets when he passed from this disease.
Alanon meetings will help you to understand your actions, learn from your mistakes and allow you to move forward with courage, serenity and additional wisdom. Face to face meetings held in most communities will provide the support we all need to make the difficult choices, Living one day at a time trusting a Higher Power,helped me to to manage.
Calling protective services when the children are neglected may seem harsh however if you are concerned for their well being that might be the road to freedom. Another option would be to put your number on speed dial and ask the 5 year old to call you if they are afraid Sending positive thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
Thank you! I have come to terms with the fact that with any sign of relapse I will call CPS I have to protect my grandchildren. I cannot and will not enable my daughter anymore. Iām sorry about your loss I fear that outcome for my daughter.
MJ - so very sorry for the concern - I too can so understand it. This came up in a meeting recently and another member shared that 'what she could change' was to give the oldest a mobile phone paid by the g-ma that was only for calling g-ma or g-pa. This gave her comfort and was a Plan B so to speak!!
Just a thought...take what you like and leave the rest.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
