The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading for December 12 speaks about our tendency to blame others for any difficulty that we encounter. The reading points out that we must realize that every time we feel that someone has affected us, that at least part of our unhappiness is due to the way we reacted . It suggests that we are not as vulnerable to being hurt by circumstances or by other people as we think and that much that happens, good or bad is self inflicted.
In the reminder it is suggested that we are captains of our own soul. If we are readily accept the fact that we have the power to ward off unfortunate disappointments and troubles, not by blaming others, but by looking within to see our part and then changing our reactions.
There is a powerful quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, which states; "nothing can work damage to me accept myself, the harm that I sustain I carry about with me and never am I a real sufferer except by my own fault."
I know when I first entered program and an attempted to use the tools I found it extremely difficult because my way of handling problems required that I consider myself perfect and reasonable and point fingers of blame at others and for their wrongdoing's. It took some time and energy in order to be able to put the focus where it belongs, on myself, and honestly search out my hidden motives to d discover how my attitudes and erroneous beliefs were hurting me. After much work and effort. I was able to attain serenity and am eternally grateful that Al-Anon has given me tools to achieve this goal. I am so glad that I discovered that blaming, judging, criticizing others is not the route to freedom.
Going Christmas shopping today and I hope everyone has an enjoyable one
Good morning Betty - enjoy the shopping!! I hope you also have a great day. Thank you also for your service, ESH and the daily. I do know that when I arrived, I truly did believe I would be happy IF/WHEN everyone else changed. My distorted thinking had no issue in blaming other people, the booze, the circumstances, and most of all - my miserable state on others.
Working the steps really helped me see my patterns and entrenched thoughts that were just plain wrong and unhealthy. Recovery helped me stop seeing/processing everything in black/white and to add in shades of gray. I truly am grateful for the ability to consider more than 2 options in all my affairs and mostly for a belief and trust in a higher power that has the master plan.
Al-Anon did bring me a level of freedom I never expected or knew existed. Forever gratefuly! Make it a lovely, peaceful day all - (((Hugs)))!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((((Betty)))) thanks again for your service here....I am reading this and I do hold my abusers accountable for the trauma they imposed on me and it is their actions that caused me to be so emotionally damaged...That said, however, I DO think that I had/have a choice...to STAY sick or get into recovery and reclaim my life..I chose recovery....they did ruin so much of my life...brainwashing me, taking away my hope, trust, etc., I will forever "walk life with a limp" but I CAN and DID take back my power by "coming out" , sharing my sick secrets, setting boundaries, etc., so its "OK" to place squarely on their shoulders my injuries and how sick I really was..But there again, I have a choice...Choice to stay victim, or take back my life through program and I chose program and the restoration of a life once doomed to a life that is livable now...Yes, I am the captain of my own ship, responsible for me NOW....It was never my fault what happened to me and the psychological aftermath, but it IS my fault if I don't reach out--get help---do what I can to help myself..I was literally living in a universe of one---I lived the way HE created me to live, but I can and did break that bondage by "outing" him and getting into recovery---This is just my take based on my experience...in SOME instances when a child's mind is nearly destroyed, the blame does rest on his/her abusers, but at some point I had to become responsible and reach out for help....I, too am grateful for this program....Without financial "wherewithall" to get in patient help or even counseling, the program has been "it" for me, the peer to peer support has done wonders for me..Being believed and accepted for who I was/am and validated by loving folks who suffered, too and the ESH that I have gotten over the years has helped me greatly...I am not where I want to be but I am far from where I used to be.....Now I know that there never was anything wrong with me, but there WAS a hell of a lot wrong with what happened to me....I used to be the victim, seeking sympathy , now I see that , yea, they messed me up and left me with a pile of issues to work through but I will not let them ruin the rest of my life....I hope this made sense......HUGS
The reading and all the above shares are helpful and I relate to. I agree that I am not going to let what others did to me ruin the rest of my life. I already wasted too many years being a victim, a doormat, and blaming . I also carried so much shame, OMG. But I also am not ashamed of myself anymore. I'm a very decent human being and I have learned to love and respect myself through program. Amen. I recently told my A that it's not fair of me to blame her for all the damage I feel she did to me, because I chose to stay and accept it! And really, that's the truth. She couldn't have crushed me if I had removed myself. We are still together, she is sober at least, and we are working on our marriage with addiction counselors. ODAT! Lyne
Thanks Ladies. I agree surrendering my victim- hood did take a huge effort on my part but the rewards of a reclaimed life was and is certainly worth it . the Steps and slogans work :)
