I broke up with my ABF 3 weeks ago. Am still feeling sad and intensely guilty about not being able to "save" him. This was my first lightbulb moment - apparently I will never be able to save him! Step one - I am powerless over alcohol. All those years of hiding it, arguing about it, making him promise not to drink tonight while I was at work, alone while he was at work......hmmmm feel pretty dumb now after reading so many posts about this. Second lightbulb moment is I now know what gaslighting is! I had been reading people's shares about this not knowing what it meant. Wikipedia has enlightened me with various other sites concluding that this was something my ex ABF used to do to me all the time. I used to get so hurt and confused about why he would bring up stuff when I confronted him about being drunk but now I understand I think. Often I used to come home from a shift and he would be drunk - often in the middle of the day, and often late at night. I would confront him about this - (dumb I know) and he would start criticising me about my parenting skills and why I have had three previous relationships - must have been my fault??? Apparently I have a pattern with exes???He has had several previous (+++) relationships only ever lasting 2-3 years - This used to get me really upset and angry and we would end up not speaking for a couple of days while we licked our wounds - me mainly as he didnt seem to ever worry and once sober was such a different person, compassionate, fun and kind. So confusing but now I think - maybe this is gaslighting??? The final lightbulb moment I want to share which I think is the saddest but most cathartic moment was when I read a share about sex and affection from another person sharing. My ABF and I had such an amazing sex life when we first met. He was so loving and fun and spontaneous, but this changed when he moved in about a year and a half later. I now realise that he was probably drunk most of the time for the first 1.5 years when we were dating and therefore most likely at least tipsy most of the time when we were together. When he moved in I picked up that he was drinking alone a lot (hadnt of course noticed this when we werent living together). I started to confront him about this as I really hated the idea of him getting drunk alone during the day and working with machinery including electric saws etc. This really freaked me out.  But now I realise when he was with me he was fighting the not drinking inside of him and our sex life dwindled into pretty much non existent by this year. We discussed it and he blamed the medications (which he had to take due to the alcohol weakening his heart) and to an extent this was true but now I think he really only liked having sex when he was drunk? Don't know but when I look back I think maybe this might have been the case - - anyway thanks for listening to me - I still miss him for the fun, quiet and special times we had together and the amazing guy he was when he was sober but at the same time feel a huge sense of relief - no more anxiety and worry and I think (and my family notices) that I am happier and more at peace in my soul. Thank you all who have shared their stories, it has given me a lot of peace and serenity (yes I can use this word) as I see I am not unique in my experiences and the sadness that this disease creates.