The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was gonna come here yesterday and start a thread full of complaints.I was very,very upset because something my husband said to me wasn't followed up with an equal action;what he said and did were 2 completely opposite things.
I was so hurt and disappointed that I was thinking I HAVE to leave him,he will never,ever change.It didn't matter to me that it wasn't really a major thing,that it wasn't life threatening or life changing,he once again did exactly what I expected him to do,and I was done with him!
I didn't come here though,because I was mad.I knew all the 'bull crap' responses I would get talking about meetings,steps,literature,etc,with slogans thrown in.I was not in the mood to hear what clearly,to me,was not going to help or change my situation.No way was I gonna waste my time with that,I knew I needed to find my own solutions.
But I then started thinking about what I read here about expectations a few days ago as I was reading through a bunch of posts.And then it dawned on me that I was upset because my husband did what I expected him to.And I realized that if I already know that's what he will do,why get so upset when he does?Why do I set myself up for disappointment thinking he will magically do it a different way?It's not him that upset me so much,I had upset myself over it.
It instantly calmed me down.Crisis mode is over.And I'm not leaving him today over it.But I did buy the digital version of The Forum magazine and started reading it.
How often I, too, have said, "this sh*t doesn't work" when I wasn't even working it, LOL
Thank you for posting about another kind of insanity! It is wonderful you've decided to fill your open mind with new perspectives from The Forum. Please consider submitting this lightbulb moment of yours, it's a perfect gem (((hugs)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Friday 8th of December 2017 12:10:35 PM
More power to you, SS, thanks for sharing. I'm very familiar with having wild and unrealistic fantasies regarding the A (and not just them). The reality can be very painful, but accepting it brings eventual healing. I'm still learning and very much a work in progress, and I feel in my heart I might still have some major walls of denial to break down, with the help of Alanon. The good news is that we're moving forward towards healing and that is something to be grateful for. Good to have you here on this journey :)
Good on you SS - good on you.....trust me when I say you are not alone on this either. It really took me quite a while (I was a hot head reactive fool) to realize my first thoughts, etc. were not the sanest or healthiest. You're there quicker and that's awesome as it's recovery in action.
Keep working it - looks great on you!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It is and was shares like this that kept me coming back and kept me coming back with a smile and then a laugh on my face. YAY...i CAN HAPPY DANCE WITH SOGGY SLIPPERS!!! Blessing on you sister what a wake up call. (((((hugs)))))
I can so understand your anger. My hub was in rehab because he almost died from alchohol poisoning. Came home and 3 mos. later he gets drunk every weekend while im at work. I ask him if he wants to die
He says yes, please leave the room.
Im angry and sad that i can't do anything to stop this!
