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Post Info TOPIC: Processing thoughts of what happened

Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 273
Processing thoughts of what happened

Since the police took the alcoholic away, I have been dealing with the aftermath. I have shaking and shaking like a leaf. My anxiety and lack of sleep has been over the top. I did make it to a face to face meeting Monday night. I  met a woman there that has experienced the same hell I have just endured. It was a relief to see that I am not crazy. I felt validated the alcoholic is very, very sick, mentally and from alcoholism. He needs both mental health treatment and alcohol treatment. Not my issue as he refused over and over to access help, even though I have suggested it when he was sober. I was talking to the wall. And now that he has gone off the deep end and the police arrested him for forced confinement and assault on me, he is on his own.I have had enough! I had enough! On Sunday the police came and he and the police came to the house and he took his personal belongings and left. 

His court date is December 13, 2017 and I was freaking out. I had fears off the chart. Despite shaking like a leaf from fear, I called the crown prosecutors office and begged them not to lift the no contact order that is in place,not too come near me or the house,off. The crown prosecutor office assured me, the conditions will remain. God is good. I just can not be around him, end of story. I also had the locks changed in the house. Something I could not think of. I got that done yesterday. I feel a bit safer now. He can not come into the house. Then, I got a call from a social worker that works with the police and we talked about what had happened. It was so good to hear and have someone that really understands domestic violence. We talked about some of his behaviors, like smashing doors in the basement, the kitchen door, punching the doors to the bedroom, his over the top violence. Things he threatened to do, the yelling, screaming, calling me devil woman, lazy, believe I am the devil as I have dark eyes, and just complete insane behaviors. Right out of this world..paranoid, not wanting to leave the house, the world is bad, fantasy thinking that he has been called by god to be a preacher, that the garage will be a meeting place for his friends where he will preach the word of god to them, his father is going to die in December, god told him, praying and screaming bible verses in the garage, ask what he is doing, he says I am preaching, talking to himself-one thought after another, non-stop,-he calls this praying to god, screaming devils, witches get out of my house, this is my house and no one I mean no one is taking me out of here, I paid for this house and put sweat and tears into this house and did all the work, this is my house, devils and witches get out, now, I mean now..just complete NUTS. Not sure what else to call this, but NUTS-DT's? Maybe someone can explain to me what he is going through. He also said he sees small black shadows running around the house. I do not understand what is going through his head.    

I have been enjoying the quite, so wonderful. I finally got some much needed sleep last night. I feel so much better. I am still shaking a bit when I think about what I have heard and seen from the alcoholic behavior. It was scary, very scary stuff. I know if I had not called the  police when he attacked me, for no reason. I talked to another al-anoner and she said, I was targeted by him, and it does not matter what I said, he saw me as the devil himself. I was the devil and no matter what he would have done what he did. He is insane. 

What the social worker told me that I did not know is he has a prior violence incident, I had no idea of, I guess he has a criminal record for prior violence. WOW! I had no idea. I was dealing with the devil himself. There is no other way to define it. I can not help him. He is on his own now and who knows where he is living. The social worker asked where he may be living and I said I believe he may be living with his beloved ex-wife Donna that he phones when he is drinking. 2 Fridays ago, he had a weekend date with her and Friday night he went there to her house and he spent $60 of Chinese food on her and after she ate, she kicked him out as he was drunk! I left after he called a cab and went to her house and I went to a concert! I had a great time! I came home and he was home and I said what happened to your big weekend date and he said, she kicked me out! I had a good laugh at that one! I told the social worker I believe, he is with her at her place, where I have no idea where that is but its close to the house. The Social worker said, I guess he will go nuts on her now! I said she can deal with him and deal with his drinking and insanity. This ex-wife of his is just as nuts from what he told me. She does not drink but has a lot of mental health issues as well. She too has this idea that they are meant to be together and go into ministry together, preaching the word of god. From what he said, her family does not want anything to do with her as she is nuts too. Lots of craziness in her family. They would make a great couple. She believes she can cure the craziness in him, make him stop drinking. Have him, please fix him, and let me know of your secret that I have never heard of. The social worker said there will be issues there that most likely get a call about-the police called to her house. Not my problem, not my problem! All I know is I am relieved beyond words to be free of the insanity of this man even though it had to take the police and an assault and forced confinement to deal with it. I have given him chances after chances and it has come to this, but I can not undo what has occurred. He went too far, way to far. I had hoped for a peaceful compromise with him and I but its not to be. 

God works amazing as I had prayed and prayed to have this hell to be over. I have prayed to have the insanity stop and I guess god said this is what has to happen. I do not regret my decision to have him arrested and deal with his sick behaviors. 

I am done, complete done with men and relationships. I am DONE! I have made an oath to myself, I will never date no matter what. I will never go with another man again. I will die from loneliness then go out with a man! Never again will I ever go or have a relationship with any man! I am DONE! I will remain single and alone for the rest of my life now. I have had it. I am just done with myself and men, relationships. I am just not able to handle it. I can not ever, date again or live with a man again, or anything, I am DONE. I am 51 years old and all I have ever been is abused by men, over and over again! NO MORE! I will never again, allow a man into my life again! I do not care how recovered they are! I just have hit my bottom! I am a survivor and this is the end for me. I will focus on my recovery and become the best me I can be. I will experience happiness and sanity. I deserve this for me. Its all about me and me now. I will become so focused on me that the focus is like an obsession, get healthy and stay sane, keep away from men, relationships, no dating, nothing, just me and what I need and want for me only! This has been a hard, painful lesson. i am worth it. 

I still have so many emotions running through me, but I am so relieved now. I am so grateful so grateful that I have this program and this board. If I did not, I would be dead. The SOB would have killed me! I know it in my heart! I do not trust him and I do not think I ever will. I am done with the SOB and I hope, hope, that I never, ever, have to see him again. NEVER! 

I have the house to address regarding title, as my name is on title now and he has the mortgage in his name. I do not know how that will unfold. I have no idea. The ideal situation would be he renews the mortgage under his name next year, and let me and my daughter live here, in a safe and sane home. I do not know if that is even possible, but then god works miracles and doors open that is not possible. Between me and my daughter, we can afford to live her and maintain the payments required, but he could force this house into foreclosure to get back at me. I mean, its possible and I know that is something that could happen. If it does happen that way, we will have to move. Being in his mental state, he could be dead by the end of the year and I could get the house as we both have title on the house. There is no insurance on the mortgage, in the event he dies or I die, the house would be paid off. I will call the bank today and see about the insurgence part and see what they say.We had discussed that he pays me out $25,000 and I will leave and take my name off the title of the house. He of course said no to that idea. These are things we had discussed before all hell broke loose. I would like the ideal situation to be but knowing life, that is not possible so I have to expect the worse at this point and think, battle over this house so when it happens, I am not surprised. If his ex-wife is helping him, like I assume, she will be helping him with his fight to get this house back and let this house go into foreclosure. I have to just let this go and let god deal with this as its to much for me at this point. He is so messed up mentally at this point, he could be dead by the end of the year for all I know. In the meantime, I have to just be patient and let things unfold as it should. Then there is the thought that goes through my mind, he loves this house so much, a lot, that he will not let it go so easy, as its all he has for equity, and there is money in the house, so he may be willing to just renew the mortgage for another year, and let me and my daughter live her in peace. When, the police brought him home to get his belongings, I told the police to tell him, we will manage the payments here, do not worry, just go get help.  He told the police, he thought I was moving out. I said to the police we were going to move out but he said not too and we will make things work out. We would have a peaceful Christmas, I promise. What a promise! What a promise! 

He needs help and right now, I just can not be around him or hear from him or see him. I just can not. I have to much emotions inside me and I need to get well myself. I am just focusing on one day at a time and one minute at a time and enjoying so much the quite and being alone, I have to admit it, I love it. No drama, craziness. I can breath and say god let your will be done regarding the house and the alcoholic. I can not do anymore, deal with it and let it be for the best, the best outcome. Help me! 

I just thank every one of you for being here for me and letting me vent and process this insane situation! I am just so grateful, so grateful for this quite and sanity! I thank god from the bottom of my heart for not going off the deep end myself! 





~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 980

Glad to hear you are safe and can begin to have peace so that you can work on being your best self! Way to be strong, Joker!!


Music makes my soul soar!

"The TRUTH is like a lion; you don't have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself." St. Augustine

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13719



My previous private message to you still stands.  I am so very sorry for the violence you have experienced.  You did not cause it, cannot control it and will not cure it.  Does Donna know where the Al-Anon meetings are?  Show her some of the care you have been getting.    ((((hugs))))   In support.  smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 6th of December 2017 01:09:41 PM


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 9052

(((Joker))) - sending continued thoughts and prayers your way!


Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene



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