The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My SO and I have been best friends for 5-6 years. We ended up getting married and having a daughter this past year
. Some background. My husband was married prior and lost his wife in a car accident 7 years ago He was a firefighter at the time and was one of the first on the scene. He also lost his grandparents a few months before that. That started his drinking and at his lowest he was putting away a half of a 1.75 liter of liquor a night. He claims he just likes to drink for the feeling but I know it's his version of self medicating his depression over things he never fully moved past.
I moved in October 2016 and started using guilt trips to try to stop his drinking. It worked to some extent. We also had our friend move out of the house (just as bad of a drinker) so I think that helped by not being around someone who drank like him. He has weeks were he will drink a lot of a little. He will buy wine or vodka and try to make it last the week.
Wehad to move right after our daughter was born (2 weeks post partum) and he's getting back into his old habit. He was on days which made him go an entire week without drinking but also made it to where he had very little sleep because he doesn't sleep soundly if he has his 'night cap' add a newborn and it makes sleeping really hard. Now he is back to nights. He works 4pm - 2am so I don't really see him and he doesn't get to interact with our almost 2 month old. He comes home and sits down and pours "three fingers" of vodka. An entire 6 oz glass. He'll drink 3-4 of those in 5 hours. He says he's just buzzed but he's stumbling around the house looking at stuff cross eyed.
Ihave hit the bottom of my barrel. I am scheduled to see a therapist next week because I feel like I'm raising our daughter on our own. I barely sleep and when I do I worry about him coming into the room to try to help me with her while he's intoxicated. I refuse to let him touch her while he's drinking. (I say this because one side of the family completely supports his habits and even brings it up at Thanksgiving and laughs about it. He fell last Thanksgiving in the garage drunk and almost busted his head open on the concrete) when he's drinking he constantly asks me what he can do to help, even before our daughter was born
Asa mother my daughter's safety is priority number 1. I know he needs to come to the realization he needs to stop on his own. For me the only thing that matters is my daughter's safety and my sanity. I can't fix him, he has to do it himself.
-- Edited by Starbuxchic on Sunday 3rd of December 2017 03:35:32 PM
Starbuxchic - welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad that you shared. You've come to the reality that he can only change when he's ready to do so - that's a great start. This disease is progressive and is never cured - only treated. Al-Anon is for family and friends who have been or are affected by the drinking in another. We learn to work on our own healing/dealing with the disease and keep the focus on us.
I do suggest you give some meetings a try. It is in recovery that I found my 'balance' and 'peace' and the best plan for my life. Glad you found us and sorry for the reason! Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi and ((((hugs)))). Its great you are reaching out here as well as planning to see a therapist. I'm sorry to hear of how alcoholism has affected your family... I hope you also try out some face to face Alanon meetings in your area... There is help and hope there, where members share their experience, strength and hope and how they started and continued to recover from the effects of living with and/ or loving an alcoholic. Keep coming back here as well, this board is a great place to learn from others and to share...
