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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The last week has been awful to say the least .. lol. I wound up at the urgent care which is a glorified triage they changed insurance at work and I was not happy about that. The best guess as I am waiting for the test at this point was a sever kidney infection. They thought I might be having a kidney stone. I am still having back spasms needless to say that makes sleeping very difficult. If I hit the wrong position I wind up with sever pain. For some reason I am having terrible chest pain when I breath on my right side which has sucked to no end.
I had to laugh at myself, it is ironic since my X is supposedly having back surgery .. may he have the pain I did .. it was shocking to say the least.
At least being on the antibiotics and pain pills I am at least getting through my days at work. Sometimes trying to say the least there is some stupid stressful stuff going on there however I need to address and deal.
My frustration with my daughter is there however it is what it is and all I can do is what I can do. I have decided the boundaries I have set are what they need to be at this point. I can't learn for her and she has some tough lessons coming up. I think she's probably going to run on shocked for a while is a given. I'm just not going to worry about it. At this point she's not acknowledging she's understood any of what's going down. I think that will come more into play when she comes home for Christmas.
Things seem to be moving in the right direction which is a good thing. I am relieved on many levels at this point.
I am just looking forward to getting healthier at this point and having more energy than I have lately. I did talk to my mom which was good. She's still hinting about coming out and I am honestly not interested right now. I think she gets it because of how much we have disagreed over things in general over the past few months. We have a very different view of life and neither of us is right or wrong it just is .. so I feel a whole lot more accepting which is always easier at 1200 miles away .. lol.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
(((Serenity))) - so, so sorry that you've been sick/under the weather. I am also sending you tons of healing thoughts and prayers! Take good care of you girl - be gentle as you recover!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Serenity... I am glad to hear that you are on the mend. Be good to yourself so that you don't relapse... I did and it was worse than the first sickness!!
Gonna put you (and your daughter) in my prayers tonight!
Peace
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Well last night was a gift because I slept so well.
The daughter/college thing is something I have come to realize I can't even discuss with her. It's like asking someone what's for dinner and the response is "yes" that is literally the level of communication we have going on.
She's managed to work 1 day in the whole semester that is 2500$ per semester of free money she threw away.
I really failed as a parent in teaching her a sense of urgency, as I have been discussing the job since September.
At this point I have come to a halt on doing a lot at one point I was doing about 200$ a month for her in regards to extras, now I am not, I will kick a little cash her direction from time to time however I have not trying not to enable her and get her to follow through on her work study.
So each semester I'm getting better however it's def a process. After this semester I will be letting more go, if she comes to me with I need .. my answer is going to be I can't help. It's not I need 3 days before class starts .. it's I have this plan.
LOL .. I can wish however you know what they say about wish and have ..
Hopefully she will figure her job situation out, she's suppose to be working other stuff out which I'm sure has not been done. So it's one of those .. ok .. what are you doing kind of things and expecting that I have time to do them with or for her.
I am just frustrated and healing thankfully .. sigh .. it will get easier and better.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Sigh......such a tough age, isn't it? My kid is thankfully working a few hours a week so he can pay for his own gas, food, and misc. expenses. I haven't had to give him any money for a few months now but I am paying for his classes and books. We keep joking that now he's going to have to support ME since I'm unemployed!
I know how hard it is for you (and other moms) to say NO to their kids. To tell them to get on the ball and that they're on their own when it comes to making a little cash to get by. I struggle with it all the time! Hugs to you. You and your daughter were always so close and had good communication for many years so I'm sure this is frustrating for you right now.
I'm glad your pain is more manageable. I hope your BF is helping out with things that you need and doting on you like crazy! You deserve some TLC, girl!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Poor BF has been fantastic last night is the first time in a while I have cooked dinner and he's working like a crazy man. Both of the guys have been about up my butt worried since neither of them have seen me so ill. The boy has so much going on that I can't see straight between his Regional Choir stuff as well as all of his social life. He's got a trip to an amusement park as well as some other small things going on. He's pretty jazzed about that. He also has some group things coming up with his choir as well, I think it's state or something? I don't know .. go figure.
Girl is making me looney, saying no has seriously been less of an issue. It's her lack of communication that I find frustrating I don't want to know the intimate details of her life however when is the last day of school and when do you go back are good to know. She's fully in charge of her mental health. I'm totally out of it. I sent her all of her dr numbers and appointment schedules and was very clear this is about my schedule not yours so if it's not in the early morning you will have to figure it out.
I think she's living in OZ with no wizard in charge. Some of the things she comes up with I'm like is that a tick because you might want to rethink what I just heard.
It's one semester at a time for me. This was the last one only because I did catch something and she was hallucinating she was getting a couple grand back which it's like umm no. That did not make sense. I will be grateful if she's not required to pay money back because she did not follow through on something. I told her today this was the extent of my experience I was lending her after this semester I figure she's been through a year she can follow the path I set in terms of how to's or not that choice is hers. I will not be involved on that level. So my part is stepping back after providing the information and she's gotta figure it out .. use it or don't .. I did my part completely.
She's not fully understanding the consequences of her actions at this point either and I have spelled them out. It's going to be the I get these are your choices, and that's fine you need to do what you need to do not living here. I can't have the chaos of thought, and it's extremely all over the board.
Just not my issue at this point, so she's going to have to figure it out.
So letting go slowly however it is painful for both of us I get that.
S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
