The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about the positive change one can experience by working the Al-Anon program and the new way of living that Al-Anon offers.
The author shares that, before Al-Anon, they thought that being an adult meant being in control and looking good on the outside, regardless of what was going on inside. But trying to be in control of others just didn't work and kept loved ones at a distance.
Through work in the Al-Anon program, the author admitted that they were powerless over others. They began to put away the facade of "looking good", and became aware of their martyrdom character flaw. Being more human and more vulnerable, the author shares, has been difficult and frightening, but brings with it the ability to have real relationships, real communication, and real happiness.
Today's reminder: Today I can risk being myself. I don't have to live up to anyone's image. All I have to do is be me.
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Growing up, I learned to "fake it til you make it." I wasn't a child with a lot of self-confidence, and I was the target of jokes and bullying through all of school. I learned that I needed to hide how I was really feeling and what I was really thinking as a way to protect myself. The bullying and jokes always got worse when I showed that they were getting to me.
I employed this same "fake it" strategy as a young adult, when I lost my partner. I was devastated and didn't know how to go about living. Meanwhile, my family and friends didn't understand why I would be so upset about losing a "good friend".
I fell back to this same "fake it" strategy in dealing with my current wife's alcoholism. It felt temporary to me, just an isolated incident. I refused to see how the incidents were interconnected and the patterns were developing. I just continued to try to get through this "bad, isolated incident" and move on, until things got so bad I couldn't avoid the issue anymore.
The thing I got from all of this is isolation. I don't have many true friends, my family doesn't really know me, and I became quite isolated. I developed an almost chameleon-like personality: I am one person with friends, another with family, a third at work, and a forth when I am home alone. I am a bit more integrated at Al-Anon, although I am careful about what I share at which meetings, depending on who is there and where the meetings are located. (As sad as it is, my safety as an LGBTQ2 person is still something I do need to be concerned about.)
Through my work in Al-Anon, I am able to be authentically myself, as much as I feel would be safe to express. I am not hiding how I am feeling or putting on a front, except through the omission of details that could make a situation unsafe for me. The important part for me is to know that being myself is all I need to be, and I am thankful to the program for offering this new way of living.
I hope you all make it a great day!
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Skorpi Love how this topic identified how I once lived __Looking good on the outside regardless of what was going on inside. Entering alanon and attempting to work the first Step, I had difficulty admitting that my life was unmanageable. Then my sponsor ask that I look within at how I was truly feeling . It was then that I had no problem admitting my unmanagability. Inside i was angry, resentful and on he verge of killing my husband.
I must admit that as a result of meetings, the Slogans and Steps the changes within and without myself have been remarkable and I am truly grateful .
Thanks for your service and have a lovely day
Good morning Skorpi and Betty - thank you both for your shares and ESH. Thank you also Skorpi for your service and the daily. I too grew up focusing on how I and things appeared to others. Fake it until you make it was also my motto. What the program has given me is the willingness, ability and tools to be authentic and comfortable in my own skin.
I am beyond words grateful that there was a solution for 'me' when living with this disease got the best of me. For the most part, I am present, peaceful and full of gratitude ... all vastly different than before and a welcome change!
Make it a lovely day! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
