The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday,being Thanksgiving,was full of so many thoughts and feelings and also decisions for me,and I really struggled to maintain my composure.I believed the best way to get through the day was to be as strong as I could,just suck it up and push through it.I came here to chat,which was very helpful(thank you btw) and said I was going to go put on my big girl panties.
When I had some alone time though,I started crying.Alot.And I cried,and cried and cried.And then I wiped my tears and carried on.The tears felt cleansing for me,it felt like a ton of stress and heartache and pain had been washed away.I felt 100% better afterwards.All the things I was dealing with beforehand were still there but not everything I was feeling inside.
It made me realize that I need to allow myself to feel my feelings instead of always trying to bottle them up and look strong on the outside.I realize that practicing self care needs to include acknowledging my own feelings,being ok with them and expressing them.
I was very sad yesterday.And it's a normal way to feel under the circumstances.What's not normal and is damaging for me and makes everything worse for me is to pretend I am fine when I'm not.I need to acknowledge my own feelings and just feel them instead of letting them fester inside and turn into bitterness and anger.
This may sound like a no-brainer to others but it's like an epiphany to me.
Hello SS Glad that you discovered that processing and sharing your feelings is crucial to recovery . You are correct, crying and owning our sadness reduces the impact and stuffing feelings, and pretending is a destructive tool . I found hat I did not have to act on my anger, resentment,self pity or fear, but that it was essential to own it, share my concerns with trusted alanon members (who will not give advise and who understand as few others can. Good Job.
(((SS))) - great awareness and acceptance. I can so relate and I hope that you find days easier as you peel back your layers....that is what has happened for me - the more 'real' I got, the easier my days got. I truly had to be reminded on a regular basis that I was designed as an imperfect human and I am doing the best I can. I also, after some time, could apply this to those around me, which so helped with compassion and forgiveness.
Sending you tons of positive energy, thoughts and prayers! You're not alone - keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
{SS}-Let it out when you need to. I put my dog down last week and did some from the soul sobbing. I think it was for many sadnesses, although the loss of my pup is still devastating. It is healing to cry and that's why God gave us tear ducts, including men. Recovery isn't easy but it can sure help with healing, Lyne
(((SS))) - I feel like I could've wrote your post! I understand you completely. I have had to be the "strong one" for oh, so long! I was always pretending that my life, marriage etc. was perfectly fine. I took many steps to make it appear that way... for years and years! It is mentally exhausting!! At one point during this second journey of mine, I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I went off by myself, and cried. Real, sobbing! For a full hour!!!
Did it change my circumstance? No... but it did seem like everything that I have bottled up/smashed down had flowed away with those tears. So I guess those tears kept a breakdown from happening!
So cry your tears... allow yourself to truly feel your feelings. I now feel that it's God's way of allowing our bodies to rid itself of the building tension so that we DON'T have a mental break!
It sounds to me like you have great awareness about yourself. Keep at it.
Sending you peace & light
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Sometimes we stay so strong to get through difficult times that we forget to be in touch with our own feelings. Ever heard of the song, Cry Me a River. That's how I have felt sometimes. The floodgates open and my emotions are cleansed. Keep crying if you need to and know that others are crying right along with you.
... Healing...