The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Im working on my enabling behaviors and acceptance that Im powerless over it all but that Im not helpless and Im sure not going to sit around in denial. After adjustments to my boundaries I made progress and it feels like another level of growth and maturity. Being the watcher of my alcoholics consequences is like watching a train headed full speed toward a cement barrier. It makes me want to brace and look away. Fortunately Alanon has given me the wisdom to know what is real and what is me projecting. They are not my consequences but it hurts my heart just the same to watch my AH suffer from this disease. I have to remind myself often of my many experiences with divine intervention since being in the program and all the miracles that happen when I get out of the way. If Im honest with myself, each day contains a lesson gifted to me from HP, all I have to do is go looking for it.
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
(((Carrie))) - great processing and awareness. I can so relate and am sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Just when my spiritual meter is at a low I read this and Im reminded of exactly why I need Alanon and all those in recovery working on themselves seeking out the truth. Thanks for this.
I can relate to the 'watchers of alcoholics.' Im one, im a watcher too and it hurts like hell. Watching and waiting and not only that but making up the disaster stories. For me they can play out like a horror movie. First my sons alcoholism creates a crisis, then hes either dead or in prison and then it all plays out getting worse and worse. Its like living in my own private hell or prison.
Projecting sucks the life out of joy and freedom. Then I think ok what tools have i been freely given that deals with this awful way of thinking?
I try wrapping him up in an imaginary blanket and handing him over to my higher power or his. I remember that for every thought beginning with what if, theres also a what if not. Thank God. I remember like you that the consequences the natural consequences of this horrid disease could be a succession of events he desperately needs for the long run, for his growth and maybe even his sobriety. Wow what a thought, that one really helps.
Then I read your words reminding me that divine intervention happens in my life all the time if im open to seeing and so its happening in his life and he will only get what he can cope with. I feel so much better, im grateful you shared your progress.x
My homework for today is to read this entire post often in order that I "GET IT" as it is offered here. These are the words of the elder timers who have with an open mind "GOT IT" themselves. Thank you sooooo much for bringing it home and leaving it open so I could find it and
Thanks for posting to acknowledge your progress. I think loving detachment is likely the most difficult thing to come to understand and to work in Alanon. Yes, we can adjust our boundaries with time and changing circumstances. For me, there really are no Alanon absolutes aside from the unconditional love of a higher power. Everything in Alanon is simply suggestion. We get to decide what works for our own lives and relationships.
When I first got here, my thinking was very black and white. I took emotion out, put boundaries in place concerning others and thought I was a really great student of this program. What I learned was that I lacked trust in myself and a higher power and had tremendous fear of the other show dropping.
My program is far less rigid today. Yes, as you said boundaries are adjustable. Thank you. The more I worked the program, the more comfortable I became with making decisions and trusting higher power would care for me and others through it all.
When it comes to giving to others including the alcoholics in my life, I give what I want and when I want. I check my motive to see if it's tied into an expectation of a certain outcome. When I was a newcomer, not only did I resist the most obvious ways of enabling like giving drinking money to the alcoholic, I withheld compliments, emotional support, affection, etc. as if offering those things confirmed acceptance of drinking and drugging.
Today, I'm grateful to understand that the alcoholics in my life are not drinking at me but drinking because they have an addiction. I don't have to withhold love and compassion and punish alcoholics as perceived retaliation for what I once believed they were doing to "me." Today I don't assign punish lessons disguised as boundaries and feel a sense of entitlement. I haven't achieved spiritual perfection only my higher power has it. So if I choose to condition my giving based on judgement of another's acceptability as a person, my ego is running interference. I'm Edging God Out.
Like you, I'm grateful for the lessons of this program and for the awarenesses I receive from my higher power. I'm grateful for the opportunities that have been put in front of me to separate out loving kindnesses from enablng. The natural consequence - separation of the alcoholic from their disease. And of course let me not forget... keeping that glimmer of hope alive that the alcoholics in my life might separate me out as a person from my dis-ease as well. Thank you for sharing your insights and progress. ((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
