The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading talks about how we use manipulation as a ways of coping to the affects of the disease of alcoholism. Alcoholism can create such a threatening environment that manipulation seems necessary. As we progress through recovery, we are learning to do more than just survive! We also learn that many of our developed ways of coping are no longer necessary, and that there are healthier ways to meet our own needs and to behave towards others.
The writer discusses examples of manipulation before recovery. Such as ... when she/he wanted someone to do the dishes - an imposition of guilt by telling how much they'd done for the other person or complaining that they never did their part. It never occurred to him/her that simply and politely asking for what is wanted or simple acceptance of a request being turned down. We live, learn, recover one day at a time!
Today's Reminder --- Today I am creating a better way of living, free of guilt and deception.
Today's Quote --- from . . . In All Our Affairs --- "We choose to behave with personal integrity, not because it will make someone else feel better, but because it reflects a way of living that enriches and heals us."
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I am one who arrived full of blame for others beyond self. I was a slow learner to see and accept my own distorted views, thoughts and habits that contributed to the insanity this disease brings. I had much to change and learn as I felt extremely put upon, overwhelmed, overworked and underappreciated and undervalued.
What I've come to accept is how I see me and things around me is not always as it is. If I sit with my fingers and thoughts pointed outward full of blame in others, I am missing opportunities to grow/heal/learn about me and my journey. I feel truly blessed that I am smart and capable of multi-tasking, yet know now it's unfair to assume we are all created equal. It is not part of my journey to expect others to be as I think they should, and manipulation for me no longer fits well in my spirit.
I shared just yesterday that I have the right to ask for help from others, yet I don't have the right to expect anything. If I ask and am denied, it's not about me, it's about them or the ask. If I have no expectations, I'm not disappointed. And - what a blessing when I ask and am heard with the help originally requested!
When I embrace this spiritual journey, I find that I have more peace when I ask for God's will vs. mine. What a powerful and beautiful gift we get when we work this program and let go!
Happy Thursday MIP family. I do believe winter has arrived in my neck of the woods - it's quite chilly today. Make it a lovely day - I had my little people last evening and will have them again this evening. All is well in God's plan for me/us today! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Manipulation and guilt, those are tough ones for me. My wife often accuses me of both, and I don't see it. I do try to investigate my motives when I do and when I do not ask for help or support. I hope this is helping me to move toward speaking clearly and honestly about my needs and stepping away from the manipulation.
I had to scrape my windows yesterday morning - something I wasn't ready for yet! I'm thankful for the new to me 4 wheel drive that I can rely on this winter to get me around. It has remote start! Imagine, being able to start the car before I get in it! (So far, I have managed to start the car several times randomly in the parking lot, and it has been somewhat unclear to me how to get it to turn back off, lol! But, practice, not perfection, even with remote starts!)
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning IAH. I really love the quote from, In all Our Affairs >"We choose to behave with personal integrity, not because it will make someone else feel better, but because it reflects a way of living that enriches and heals us." This is a great reminder to embrace our principles and live by them. Have a productive day. Thanks for your service.
I love it too Betty - reminds me that recovery is for me, about me and heals me. I hope you have a great day too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
