The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been living on my own for a few years now, and if anything I'd say I'm doing *worse* than when I lived with my qualifier.
Everything seems so overwhelming and I feel constantly stressed and exhausted. I haven't taken my trash out, my sink is full of dirty dishes, I am constantly behind on schoolwork due to procrastination even though I have a very light courseload this semester, and most of the time everything in life just feels so overwhelming that I just want to stay in bed and play with my phone (something I do a lot).
Even just thinking about loading the dishwasher or opening my mail, I feel the same resistance and stress that you might feel about getting out of bed in the morning when it's really cold. Everything seems so overwhelming that I feel too tired and stressed to do even simple little things that should be no problem.
I don't understand where this is coming from or why I feel like this. Has anyone else experienced this during your recovery, and if so, do you have any experience, strength, and hope to share on the subject?
-- Edited by atheos on Saturday 4th of November 2017 02:15:32 PM
When I would get sober off my DOC , I said the same thing: my life is still unmanageable. Then I realized I had problems before I drank and drugged. Being sober only gave me a chance to work on the real problems. Parallel this to you: you've gotten rid of your DOC but your life is still unmanageable now giving you the chance to focus on what the real problem is. Recovery is not so much about *getting* sober; its about how to get well once you've stopped drinking.
-- Edited by The Dependent on Saturday 4th of November 2017 12:09:17 PM
Sorry to hear this. I know we are not supposed to give advice in al-anon , so all I can say is it sounds like you need to visit the step 1-3 table in an ftf meeting.
Hi... Atheos I have been through all of this. I am 66 years old now.
I needed a wake-up call. But also I believed Alanon did too. Maybe the alanon practised in my neck of the woods was just re-traumatising me.
This group here is strong and healthy- it draws on motivated members from right around the world- a strength.
I have done the adult child programme from within Alanon; also become involved in an outside adult child forum. Whatever. I find it works out when we all pitch in- and begin asking the difficult questions... it does work if we learn to let go! Stay connected...
Damn!! The "P" word!!...I am a procrastinator and have a great habit in doing it, plus I am great at justification and not having my own plans while no mean interest in the plans of others. I am a great excuser and able to accept almost anything and everything that happens with the first few words of the first step...(oh well) I am admitting I am powerless....(and I am not management material).Still I've had the examples of the opposite way of living and was okay in that endeavor.
I let other people, places and things get in my way and stopped looking at the possibility of other successes. I grew bigger more debilitating justifications that seem to be more reason for staying out of management and just saying yes to the status quo. Hmmmmm
Thanks much for the inventory lead which is part of Inventory 101 for me. (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 4th of November 2017 04:24:29 PM
Hugs, ((atheos)), I've been "there" and sometimes still am, though much less often, that feeling that life is just too difficult to handle and I don't even know where to start... All situations are different, and there was some point, some years ago when I was deep in depression, where nothing could have breached the thick concrete wall I had built around myself, except probably professional help, but I didn't go for it at the time, stayed in a zombie-like state for several years, before very gradually getting better. Might be that was my HP at work, even then, because circumstances just pushed me to come out of my shell. I hadn't been diagnosed since I didn't seek medical assistance, but I really think it was depression + codependecy, not just codependency gone to an extreme. I don't know for sure, but it doesn't matter anymore in any case... It's past.
I've been out of that lifeless state of depression for some five years now, but the feeling of unmanageability was strongly still with me at the beginning of this year. and still often is, although it is no longer my constant companion, thanks to Alanon...
What works well for me is remembering to live one day at a time, many times one moment at a time. Just today, my brain was nudging me to think of all the things I planned for the day, to think about all of it AT THE SAME TIME, to imagine doing it all at the same time, and I know how it goes if I let myself go there, I worry, feel pretty miserable and can't decide where to start, and ultimately do less of what I wanted to do because I spent so much time and energy worrying and just plain not knowing where to begin. In such times I'm learning to do my best to focus on the present moment and think about my next right move. Just one move at a time.
Also, just a couple of days ago I finally felt how much can deep slow breathing help. Everyone is always talking about it, but I never really could get it, till now. Now that I think about it, I think my inability to reap any benefits from breathing deep was at least partly caused by my simply going through the motions and not being aware enough of how breathing feels, how my body responds to the intake of air etc...
I read a quote, written by an MIP member, I don't know the source, but reflecting on it has helped me more than once: "My life is unmanageable because I'm trying to manage it."
Take care. Sending you love, sister
-- Edited by Aline on Saturday 4th of November 2017 04:30:44 PM
