The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Read this from another member and I need to read this over and over again. I need to put it in my head, and remember it. God help me!
Quote:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do. __________________
When I found AlAnon, my life had truly become unmanageable. At the time, I believed that the alcoholic in my was the problem, and this was reflected in my anger, resentment, judgment, and superiority I felt and leveled toward them.
I am grateful that I stayed in the program long enough to realize that I was the problem. AlAnon guided me toward the realization that my attitude, approach, and judgment of the alcoholic was actually the source of my unhappiness, far above anything the alcoholic did or did not do.
This page (264) in ODAT is very powerful and still helps me greatly when I am wrestling with negative feelings towards my qualifier:
** "If irrational and irresponsible behavior on the part of the alcoholic has betrayed us into assuming an attitude of contempt for him, some serious examination of ourselves in in order...They are sick, confused and guilt-ridden human beings with badly battered egos.
God has given no one the right to humiliate another. In every one of His children there are qualities that should command our respect, and to withhold it is a wrong that will return to wound us.
Reminder: It is vital to my serenity to separate, in my mind, the sickness of alcoholism from the person who suffers from it. I will dignify him with the respect which is everyone's due." **
It may be that is what Jon is about, but Jon does not speak for all alcoholics/addicts, nor can anyone else, for each is different. It is not for me to judge or try to define what an "addict" does. That is something God alone can do.
In AlAnon I am reminded to tell my story, not that of another member or the alcoholic. I am guided to focus on my thoughts, motives, and practices to determine what I can change in order to make my life better.
I am so grateful for the wisdom of AlAnon that helps me hold onto more of my serenity, due in a large part to being better able to perceive others, especially the alcoholic, without judgment.
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
