The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel great today, despite the complete insanity of the other day. I have been reading and reading al-anon literature hourly, and I feel great today. I even laughed. I am so grateful; today. The alcoholic is sleeping, what is new. Not my problem, not my issue. I read something today in al-anon things i wrote and I saw myself. I prop up the alcoholic. Yes, I see my behavior. I try and make him feel good about himself. I say encouraging words to make him feel good about who he is. You are a good man. Lifting up his ego. He is not a good person! he is abusive, insane! he needs to be locked up! He needs to be either in jail or hospital or treatment center! He needs to put away! That is the facts. he is not a good person at all. He is one word, EVIL to the core! I have seen this reality and now I know what I must do, leave him alone, let him suffer, not my issue! Do not interact, encourage, help him in any way or fashion. Let all hell break loose on him! I do not care! I just do not care! I am so emotionally done that I do not even want to be in the same room or look at him! I am just done! I feel free. I feel good! I feel like I have finally accepted the truth. I have been looking for an apartment on line and I plan to.
1. Get my health back as much as I can
2. keep looking for an apartment till I find one that will be good for me
3. Follow up with my doctors, meetings, readings, keep as busy as possible
4. Keep my emergency bag in my car
5. LEAVE, the moment he starts drinking and get to safety for as long as possible. He is going to go on bender, that is the facts
6. Stay away, stay away from him as much as possible, Do not interact or involve him in my life, encourage him, go anywhere with him. Stay Away as much as possible.
7. Time line too get a place to live, I am setting for April/May 2018, I hope sooner. Meanwhile, I will do holiday time for myself, stay away for a week at at time, by staying in a hotel if I must. No contact with alcoholic either.
8. Get as strong as I can. Read, totally immerse myself in recovery and do not involve alcoholic in my affairs! Leave him alone and let him suffer. Not your issue. Not your problem! Stay away as much as I can!
This is all I can do right now. Today, I feel wonderful, I know, just know I will soon be leaving this nut house and let the alcoholic have it. Have at er, I do not care! The lawyer will deal with it. Its not me that has to live in this hell hole of a house!
I feel happy that I am moving on with my life and I will not allow the alcoholic to be involved anymore! I feel hope. Today, I even say a sang a song, I am happy, I am happy! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, end of this nut job of a house and relationship! I am going to get out! I am going to leave for good. I am going to have a sane home. I am so grateful and happy! Been praying a lot for gods will to be done and help me!
Thanks to everyone of you for your words! For this board, I would be in the nut house if you have not bee here for me!
Congratulations with the daily Al-Anon work Joker. It had to come like that with me also as I progressed up to fatally injuring my alcoholic/addict sick wife. I will not ever get over what she looked like physically as a result of me taking my anger and rage out on her. There was no empathy or compassion left in or to me and I was consumed with resentments and getting justification for the pains and hurts she/the disease visited on me. I will never forget what she looked like or what she told me later justifying what I did, "I deserved that" and not in any form did she and I want to cry all over again at the sound of those words. The shame was beyond my imagination and then God had other plans about what to do with it both for her and for me. My HP went on to use her to teach me humility that over came my self centered rage. I learned to love her in a way and value I never thought possible or existed while loving myself equally the same.
Because of the recovery lessons and experiences I gained I now know what it feels like to feel good, blessed, grateful and unconditionally accepted. Mahalo to the AFG and also MIP. Keep coming back cause this works when we work it. ((((hugs))))
Prayers and positive thoughts still headed your way Joker - glad today has been better!!! Keep doing what you're doing!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
