The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm not a recovering addict myself, but have been in a relationship with someone who was an addict to a large spectrum of drugs and alcohol and he even went as far as selling it. We met in a recovery unit, me for depression and at the time I thought he was there for the same, but later came to find out that he had of horrid past of drugs and alcohol abuse. I should have know to get out then, but at the time I was at such a low point in my life that any attention from anyone felt good. I eventually ended up falling in love with him and he eventually moved in with me for almost a year. His alcohol and drug abuse became worse and worse each day and there were weekly visits to the ER because of it. He eventually had to leave and go back home because he had busted out a window in my apartment and I had become emotionally and physically drained with trying to keep him sober and safe. I wasn't going to enable him any further and watch him die in front of me. I had become a prisoner to his addiction. Even though he moved back to his hometown we still remained a couple. I have not seen him in years because he had shown no change even though he made promise after promise to get sober. There were lies and cheating on his part constantly. Recently he went to a sober facility where he stayed 6 months and we talked on a daily basis, but during that time he met another addict in recovery. He lied and told me over and over again there was no one. He left because she had left and both got together where they both relapsed. He went on for two months doing every drug possible and he eventually went back to treatment in June. He left treatment a month ago and before leaving he was already talking about using. He just went through 2 weeks of horrible withdrawals from Suboxone and he went on to say he just wanted to get a fix. He has had no where to go or stay because all of his family and friends have basically cut him out their lives. The girl from recovery went to pick him up from the recovery center and she offered him to come live with her, but he declined and said it just wasn't right. He was staying with his dad, but his dad told him it was time to go. He tried several places to rent, but he was not approved because he owed money to the previous place that he rented. He begged and begged to come live with me but I could not allow that because he was still talking of using and I was not going to be his enabler. We were making plans to see one another and he was constantly telling me how much he loved me, I was his one true love and that if he were to ever marry again, it would be me. I thought everything was going great, until I found out that he was still talking to the girl that he had met in recovery. He told me there was nothing between them and they were just friends. He told me he was going off on a boys weekend this past weekend and come to find out he was with her and had moved in with her. He didn't have the decency to tell me the truth. He was telling me he loved me till the day he left with her. I called him wanting an explanation and he had me on speaker with her there and I asked him how he could say all those things and he proceeded to call me a liar and said that he never said those things and I tend to ruin his life every time. I'm so heart broken right now and I don't understand his logic and how he could treat someone like that or even why. He has been daily part of my life for the past 5 years and I just cant imagine him not being there any longer. I need some insight from some of you and try to understand why he may have went so far as to do what he did.
((Listerine)) I am sorry that you are in such pain and have experienced the insanity of the disease of alcoholism. Alanon is a recovery program for family members who have interacted with the disease and have developed negative coping tools as a result. As you can see and have experienced, alcoholism is a chronic dreadful disease over which we are powerless. Alanon holds face to face meetings in most communities and the hot line number is in the white pages.
Welcome to MIP. Hope you'll keep coming back for recovery with us and join us at in person Alanon meetings as well. Where you are right now emotionally is a very hard place to be. Many of us have been there. I can tell you that I have had a very close experience to what you shared. My experience was with my now exah. I was with him many years. Like you, I said "NO." Often when we say no, active alcoholics say good-bye. Good for you for choosing to take care of yourself and not enable. It was hard for me be cope with the ending of my marriage. I had gotten into Alanon, was going to meetings, did what the cd councelors had suggested at his rehab. What did I get? I got a using A who then chose to divorce me and who would go to the nearest person who would do what he wanted them to do to keep his habit going. I have to tell you that having this happen after you've been married to someone for a long time feels pretty damn personal even if we say in Alanon that an active A can't even have a relationship with themself let alone someone else. It hurt like hll when it happened to me but that changed with time.
When I worked the steps in the Alanon program I made an amazing discovery. Do you know what I discovered? Me! It took time, the unconditional love of the god of my understanding, people in this program, alanon meetings, working the program each day but it was worth it, I was worth it and continue to be so.
Please be proud of yourself making a boundary concerning what you are willing to accept in your home. You deserve the best you can give to yourself. The Alanon program shows each of us what that looks like for our own lives as we work the program one day at a time. This man has shown you he is dishonest and you've shown him that you respect yourself.
I hope your feelings of heartbreak get better with the support from sharing and the support here. Alanon friends at in person meetings can help to fill the loneliness. It may not feel like it right now, but the day may come when you think of him as just an old speed bump you passed over as a newcomer on your Alanon recovery journey. ((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
