The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One thing I have realized in this crazy dance of addiction is no one dance is the same.
A very long time good friend is seriously battling her set of crazy at the moment and I had slipped and been dragged into it. I'm not sorry I reached out to one of her other best friends and we are keeping each other apprised of what's going on. I am now able to set boundaries, allow her to spin however not get involved with it all. It helps she's not down the road and I can the call before it starts.
I love this person like crazy and I consider them one of my very best friends in the world however I need her to keep her set of crazy on her side of the street. I continue to push back and do so without giving her a place to hide. My standard statement is when I am asked for my opinion .. your sobriety is directly related to the honesty you are willing to share with your therapist as well as yourself. I just keep repeating that statement. I also suggested I was surprised her therapist did not suggest AA as well as traditional therapy. I am leaving it lay there .. and again I love her and she's a great lady .. I hate the disease. This is probably the first time I have successfully seen the disease separate from the person and the disease is awful. Being able to leave someone with their own stuff is really a gift of time and letting go of stress that is not mine to carry. It also allows the other person to take on their own stuff and either deal with it or not .. it's not my call.
I'm keeping the communication simple and just trying to not get overly involved and this is where text has been my friend .. send is not my friend .. lol .. text however is.
I have been seeing similar things in dealing with this situation and my kids at the moment .. LOL .. I found a character defect in me .. and that is I'm easy to distract and others are able to deflect and drive the conversation where they want it to be. So what I have been able to do with everyone is redirect the conversation back to where it should be, figure out how I want to respond and move forward from there. I have really been practicing keep the focus on me. Minding my own business and finding out what does and doesn't work for me in these moments.
What I am learning is when I refocus on the conversation at hand all of a sudden I'm not the one ending the conversation .. LOL. I also find I am a whole LOT less stressed and I had already figured out that trying to control the situation is exhausting and I have other needs for my energy at the moment .. this is not chasing other people's tails around trying to get them right side right.
My daughter shockingly has NOT heard from her dad since last week and I sent him a WHOLE lot of bills .. LOL .. I have a feeling he will not be reaching out to her further. OR it will be very superficial and sporadic which is what it has always been sooo lesson .. nothing has changed. He's refusing to acknowledge that I have said anything about bills or anything else .. lol .. I'm sure he's not pleased about the corner he has painted himself into .. however NOT my problem. It is also not my kid/s issue either .. boy of boy if I could have reached out and touched someone with a hammer I think I would have in the moment of how grateful I should be he has left my daughter on support .. moron. UGH. Those are the moments of just breathe .. prison orange is so not a good color on me.
Anyway .. it helps and it has given me a new clarity and that's a good thing.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Great share, Serenity. You are really using the Program to it's greatest potential with your friend. Sending cyber-support your way!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I also thank you for your share girl....I've simplified 'things' around here and just came to the realization that crazy is pretty much all around me. When we talk about a hula-hoop in recovery, I've decided to start visualizing that, and acting as if it's more of an encasing wall. I have finally realized that when crazy is happening and it begins to draw me in, I can quickly depart with a simple solution/service action - So very sorry, I will pray for you!
When others realize I no longer want to fix, control, direct, advise, etc. they tend to go find another to do it. My sponsor taught me this and it works so, so well. Both of my sons have come back with, "Is that all you got?????" Which warms my heart as it's so contrary to how I've been most of their life.
You keep doing you - these crazy moments have been big growing moments for me. When it passes, as all things do at some point, I can look back and find gratitude for lessons learned. In the midst of it, I usually find myself doing a bit of eye-rolling!!!
(((Hugs))) - you got this!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
