The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone new here. My fiance is getting out of a 30 day rehab and i am trying to write a non negotiable letter that the facility wants me to write for her i would like some advice on your thoughts.
Welcome to MIP. We typically align with Al-Anon principles and don't do direct advice. I will offer that if you do some google searching, you might find some ideas as this is most likely not a first time request/assignment from a treatment facility. Good luck with your efforts!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
If the facility would like you to write the letter I would ask them to provide some counseling for you to help you figure out what is non negotiable for you.
Just my opinion .. that's a hard letter to write because no one else has to follow through except you and you get the consequences of said letter.
Big hugs and best of luck .. I really encourage you to keep coming back here.
S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
You don't have to do a perfect letter. I am not sure what the boundaries are in your relationship.
If you are planning on letting the A come back into your house going to al anon would be a great help to your life.
There are meetings here and a chat room too.
The most important thing to know is that you don't have to come up with a perfect letter. The total responsibility for his sobriety is on him not you.
So if you write a not so great letter its still all on him to keep sober.
Having someone go to rehab is a difficult process. Some of the expectations that people set up when they leave rehab especially after such a short time are unrealistic.
My core issues in al anon are having unrealistic expectations.
I see this is your first post here. I hope you'll keep coming back for recovery with us. It's impossible for anyone to suggest things that are non-negotiable for you, personally in your relationship. I hope if you haven't been to an in person Alanon meeting, you'll consider it. Alanon can help us to find the answers within ourselves concerning what we want and don't want in our lives. Some of these can be figured out by discussing our situation with an Alanon sponsor and our higher power. I hope you find the answers that work for you. ((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
There's a pamphlet called What Happens after Treatment? Code: P-81ES
I'm thinking it might give you some clues.
When I was new to program I couldn't do a non-negotiable letter myself. All I could do was a bitch list. Or a wish list.
Can they give you some help? Could you sit down with him and ask him what he thinks would help him? Sometimes prior to getting out there is a better view of these things than after the "freedom" comes.
Welcome Glamisfun, Im glad you found us. By keeping an open mind and attending meetings, Ive discovered new and productive ways to set boundaries for myself, for example what I will and will not tolerate from others, although Im not always perfect with following through on them, I am making progress. Its definitely a process. I too suggest finding a local meeting or attending meetings here. (((hugs))) and keep coming back.
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
