The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading from Courage to Change, the author discusses one of their character defects: allowing things to happen and making choices passively. The author shares that even though they were so impacted by the effects of living with alcoholism that they were not able to act any differently without the program, the impact of their passivity caused harm, and they still owe amends for that harm. One way to make amends, the author suggests, is to stop practicing the character defect. In this case, to stop being passive, and allowing things to happen, but instead take responsibility for their life and their decisions, and make choices that they can be proud of.
The quote from As We Understand... is "Making amends isn't just saying, 'I'm sorry,' it means responding differently from our new understanding."
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I can certainly identify with the author of today's reading. Before I found Al-Anon, living with the disease of alcoholism had taken a toll, and I had become completely passive in my life. I didn't agree with or like what was going on, but I felt truly powerless to do anything about it. Everything I had tried had failed. I felt beaten down by the entire experience, and I had all but given up. Through my work in Al-Anon and the support of more experienced members, I found the courage and strength to start making decisions again and taking control over my life. Responding differently was the key for me, even if I did it completely clumsily at first. I still struggle with the balance between taking responsibility for my life and my actions and forcing solutions, but luckily this program is about practice, not perfection, and I get to keep working on getting this balance right, one day at a time.
I hope everyone has a fantastic day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Hello Skorpi Thanks for posting your thoughts on this important topic. I know growing up in an alcoholic home I, as well as my sister developed many negative coping tools, one of which was making choices "passively". Before working the Steps, I did not consider this a defect until I began to examine my motives and reflect on my interactions with others. Seeing how I had abandoned my responsibilities to myself and others was a shock . Thanks to program I was able to develop new constructive tools to live by and make amends for previous neglect.
Right now I am furious with my sister who is practicing this defect on a daily basis. I want to confront, argue engage however my program tools are suggesting that I simply detach and remember that I am powerless over others. Thanks for your service
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I pray that I may keep my eyes trained above the horizon of myself: I pray that I may see infinite possibilities for spiritual growth.
Thank you Skorpi-I too suffered this character defect and still do at times. I was a member of the official doormat club, and I think fear kept me silent and pleasing others. OVer the years, and especially since program, I am improving. I must always keep in mind, Progress not Perfection, and to be kind to myself, Lyne
I love that it says making amends isnât just saying youâre sorry but learning to respond differently. I often times respond in ways that mimic the response to me so I need to learn to respond in the loving and caring way that I know is in my heart. I need to take a deep breathe and think before I speak harshly. I need to learn to voice in a clear and loving manner my boundaries and expectations.
