The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am struggling w the idea & plan to have my mom move back up here. Long story short my mom has been in & out of mental hospital for the last three years. I am struggling really because she shouldn't come back due to the fact that she has done so much damage that the move would be I think very unsuccessful. I know that this is a one day at a time program but time is running out. They are saying that she might be out & back by the end of the week. They are convinced that she can live alone which she can't. They say that she can have in home care instead of assisted living. My sister & I have been on the same page until recently. She has the power of attorney to pay my mom's bills but she doesn't live up here. I am discouraged & disappointed. My alcoholic husband is at his wit's end. He has been prescribed medicine for anxiety medicine to get him some sleep. I am sure those of you have followed my story know the battle I have struggled w/ both my mom & my husband. I am praying for both of them & myself. I hope I am getting to the point. All is not lost. We will make it.
(((Hoot))) - I'm so sorry that this 'move' is causing you fear, stress and more. I can understand why. I got no ESH in this arena, but can send you tons of positive thoughts and prayers!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
my younger sister took care of our mentally ill mother for a number of years. It was disruptive, constantly chaotic and sometimes very abusive.
The demands were unremitting, sometimes there were phone calls 30 times a day.
Eventually they got in a whole host of services and load lessened.
In home supportive services is not generally used for the mentally ill.
Nevertheless there would be someone there to monitor whatever was going on.
I know there are other kinds of services available like a Board and Care home but certain people cannot stomach them.
I also know people (who were mentally ill) who didn't have a choice about where they lived when it came right down to it.
Detaching is a very difficult thing to do when you can see the apocalypse coming.
My boss has scheduled someone to work on the weekend who is probably 80% likely to not show up. In the past I stood on my head to help out, went in early, stayed late.
Now I don't want to do that. How to finesse the calamity is difficult because this man is used to other people helping out.
Being gracious when other people set you up to fail is difficult but saying no is a clear possibility. I plan to say no this weekend because I don't need to take responsibility for his lack of scheduling problems.
How I say no will not involve a lot of angst on my part. The less I invest in the saying no the better.
My own biological family is deeply enmeshed. Recently my sister invited me to be in contact with one of my cousins who is an alcoholic. His life is a mire of confusion, chaos and catastrophe.
I didn't explain my no to her. Explaining the no is not that helpful. Saying no is the hard part. I didn't hesitate to say no this time. In the past I allowed my cousin to swallow me into his mire of catastrophe.
For me the saying no has to be as low key and as free of tension as possible if I get towed into Justifying it I am lost.
I just don't respond.
I know people who moved out of the area because they could no longer deal with their mentally ill relatives. They couldn't be called on in a crisis because they were not around.
I am not suggesting that for you.
Justifying the no is always a way they will get you to wheedle out of it.
These days my no means no.
I say in very many different ways but most of all I don't feel guilty about it.
Thanks so much for the update Kathleen - I've been praying for you all. Sending continued thoughts and prayers!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
