The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I used to think I had to win every battle...now , if I just cannot overcome, I walk away...let go...maybe permanently, maybe for a while...it depends....but the "banging my head against the wall" times are shorter
case in point
I am cleaning up my USB drives with my files, pics and movies and 2 are 2 terabyte 3 are 1 terabyte...I know..Over kill having dups but if one fails, I am covered
anyway, the 2 - 1 terabyte disks, I cleaned up the pics and vids of me, kids, dogs (mostly my pets, lol) and I get ALL disks nice and tidy, organized..good little OCD'r that I am, everything has to be precise and organized....well I KNOW I got all the vids and pics organized on the smaller drives and didn't "lose" any thing, but I go into "my PC" and i see that one has 3gb LESS space then the other---I am thinking..."ok, I messed with the movie files and the personal picture/vid files" so I do a match folder by folder and yea, slight differences, but all pics and videos on BOTH discs. accounted for....Well??? that differential of 3 gigs, just bugged me and I found myself obsessing over it and I began to get deep into each folder to match apples to apples...I CANT FIND the reason WHY one disk has 3gb LESS then the other....everything MATCHED...........so??? thanks to program, I caught myself beginning to "fight" this..I caught myself "having to win this" at all cost to my nerves, my peace and my temporary insanity... and after spending an hour or so, I finally STOPPED....took some deep breaths and boy, self talk works!!! I just told me that the files are all there (on the disk that was short 3gb) everything is accounted for....so it has to be an indexing issue, OR just a glitch somewhere and "are you going to let this take up your day???? like how important is this thing??? is it worth my peace????" I finally just decided that I am confident that the folders I modified are a match...its a screwy problem somewhere, I am not missing anything and worse case scenario, I burned a dvd of the stuff......
I was able to, after trying to find the discrepancy, just toss up my hands, tell me it aint worth all this hassle and "lets go workout and watch a good movie....
I not only walked away, but I didn't CARE..it was like once I walked away, I REALLY let it go...for someone with OCD attached to my other issues, that is huge progress....I dont' have to win every battle....I am not a lesser person because I did not figure out why the discrepancy....I trusted myself that I DID do a good job, tidying up my files and I did not mess anything up...I was careful..methodical...focused and took my time on my work, so I know, I did not lose any movie or file or whatever.......I let it go and had a peaceful rest of the day.........
this program really is a miracle...that someone with my list of issues can live a decent, hopeful, loving, halfway sane life is a miracle in itself..I can hold up my end in a relationship..I can make amends immediately after I know I have wronged someone...I don't feel shame and self hate when I do screw up and have to make amends, either to myself or to another...I have good boundaries like I set a boundary on how much time I was gonna spend on searching out WHY one disk had more than the other...it didn't MATTER...I told myself that if after a reasonable length of time, I don't find this screwy thing, I am LEAVING it and LEAVE it I did...and did it willingly....
Even tho I may never find out why one is more than the other, I know this!!! by stepping back..letting it go....walking away, I free myself of the negativity I make by fighting something....Its getting easier to take the path of least resistance...to accept that I am not "gonna win em all" and I can accept that not all my projects are going to come out "spot on" I may be "off" a bit and if I can't find it??? Walk away and accept it.....which today I did..............JUST saying
Hi Rose great example of how I the "Way I once handled problems. Today I am much more comfortable attempting to rectify the error and then embracing my favorite slogan:"How important is it" AND WALK AWAY. Thanks for the reminder.
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I pray that I may keep my eyes trained above the horizon of myself: I pray that I may see infinite possibilities for spiritual growth.
Oh Betty, I had to conquer everything I touched...ANY project, important or trivial, I could not let go of till my head ached from bashing it against the wall and even then, when I did let go, it had my claw marks all over it......OMG..I was so bad, looking back, but at least now I have HOPE of managing it...OCD can have its merits in that I am methodical, I pay very close attention to my work, as a cert. pub. bookkeeper, people love me because I do the job right and if I make a mistake, i catch it and fix it b4 it goes out the door and I am REAL fussy about things being neat, tidy, professional, etc. .....so OCD , CAN have its merits, which is something else I learned...even a disorder such as that CAN be a blessing when applied in the appropriate place..other times??? it can be a curse when I was unable to WALK AWAY...I'm getting there...and this job did not have any claw marks on it, LOL....Isn't it funny how we can be into something and all of a sudden, ya see "WOW, I did THAT much better with more peace" LOL.....I mean if i can fix it in reasonable amount of time??? yea, go for it!!!! but if I can't??? time to , like you said, ask "How important is this???" and most of the times, 99%, I can walk away....tomorrow is another day or just let it work itself out......
