the happy and fun times have been scarce .  I know I need to arrange them for myself.

I just read this comment from a member and I see that I have to do this for myself too. I can depend on the ABF to bring happy and fun times as when he is drunk, its a complete embarrassment to me. In fact. it has become, to the point where I will not go anywhere in pubic with him if he has been drinking because it will be a gong show. He will be kicked out of the event due to his out of control drunken behavior and his preaching and trying to save soals when  he is drunk. He will preach and pray over people, while drunk in public events, places. its embarrassing so bad.I have stopped going to any public events, or places, with him. I love listening to live country music, live blues music, but here in Canada where I live the only places are in pubs and bars. I can not take the abf with me to these places. NO, NO, I will be thrown out too. I will not be allowed back and since I enjoy going to these places and listening to the music, I have to decide, do I go alone and have some fun or take someone else and go. I can not include the ABF. No, No. I use to go to these places, listen to the music and dance and have fun and since I have been with ABF, I have stopped. I have no fun in my life anymore. I feel  I have isolated too, just because he has. I do not do what makes me happy anymore. I do not put my joy first. I need to stand up and say screw this, I need to have fun and do what makes me happy! Screw him. He will not make me happy! He will not give me joy! He is so focused on getting drunk that he does not care who is around him. I need to say, I am doing this for me because it makes me happy, I get joy out of listening to live music and just do it! I need to say, I deserve this, I endured enough misery and I need to let off some steam! The abf has no joy and only has misery and fantasy dreams of being a preacher! yes, this alcholic wants to be full time preacher in a church, when he can not even stay sober for 2 weeks. He believes he can save people and that people will believe what he has to say! Its all very sick! I have talked to him about recovery and he needs to address his alcoholism first and foremost but I might as well talk to the wall. He only thinks of one thing, being a preacher and saving people, when he can not even save himself! Sick, sick, sick. I just need to focus on me and getting out there again. Quit isolating just because he is and start living my life, my life that I have control of, the only life I have. I do not want to get old one day and say, I did not have fun because I stayed home and babysat an alcoholic, a baby that still has not grown up. My life will have passed and I will be still in the same place I was. I want to say, Wow, I had a life and it was fun, I had fun, I lived! I want to live with no regrets. I have to take action, action to get my life into fun. To have fun! To live, to the max. I deserve that and I do not need the alcoholic to be apart of it. I have to take the bulls by the horns as they would say in Canada and get out there, get out there and have fun! Quit isolating with the alcoholic and live and have fun!