The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As long as u focus on ur A (sober, dry or not) u are feeding the disease.
Just read this from a post and its oh my goodness, this makes complete sense to me. this is my part in the insanity. I am focused, focused on the ABF, his behaviors, actions, words, thoughts, insane thoughts, drunkenness, drunk talk, listening to his drunk talk, his fantasy, his dreams, being there no matter what, tolerating, accepting, his drunkenness, leaving and coming back. I am part of the problem. I have come to be treated like crap and believe this is love. He treats me with no respect, and I say this is love. I feed the disease by being around it!
How do I change my behavior, I need to leave the room, the house, the moment he starts talking to himself because he is drunk. I need to leave the room the moment he starts to drink, let him face himself. I need to have my safety plan in place the moment he starts to behave like he is drunk, because I know what will happen. I need to stay away from the house as long as he he drunk and drinking. So it means, I need to go to a safe place, a hotel, till he is sober. That hotel stay could be for 2 days to 1 week depending on his binge. I see he wants to be the star, the big shot, he wants the focus to be on him, he wants to do all the talking, since he is the smartest man on earth, the most sane. He wants to be the center of attention! If I am there, he will talk to me and drive me nuts, or I leave and have sanity and he has none to talk to and try and impress, but himself.
As I write this, the afb is having a beer as he watches tv, typical behavior till he gets drunk and insane and nuts! I do mean nuts, to the point he is seeing and hearing things that are not there! Its very scary, as he yells, screams, goes ballistic. My plan is the next time he does this, and if I am around, I will call the mental health team and they can deal with him, as I had enough! I am laying in bed right now as I write this and plan to go to bed soon. I am understanding the insanity slowly. I have to remember, what is my part? Its giving the disease attention and focus, and being there as it goes nuts! Solution, remove myself! Get away from it!
I hope I get a good night sleep tonight. I will tell the ABF to not bother me tonight. I need to tell him this when he is somewhat sober still. If not, I am in for a hellish night, with no sleep! I know the game!
I am so sorry to hear how stressed you are. My AH is in the other room too--watching the game and drinking and being loud. That is why I am in another room, in this discussion group, to gather support. Based on advise I got--I go to bed before him, wear earplugs (to not hear him) and put on a lavender eye mask (to not smell him). And it helps. Doesn't solve anything--but it takes care of me which is all I can do.
