The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Addiction/Alcoholism are progressive and while some things present the same, many other things do not. What is usually consistent is denial and fantasy-land-living. This applies to both the alcoholic/addict as well as family member/friends.
I read this on another post and I can so relate, fantasy land living. I was thinking about that today, how the alcoholic lives in fantasy land. I am the same way too. How often I wish my life were better, yet take no action to make it better. How often, I wish for a new relationship with a man that will love and treat me with respect, dignity, honor,love me, really love me,wine and dine me, be proud of. My shinning Armour I can adore. Yet, I just sit and do nothing to get out there and live a life I can be proud of! I stay and stay with the sick alcoholic and complain about my horrible life. How I feel dissatisfied with my life with the alcoholic. Another fantasy, I have is take a trip, go to mexico, by myself and enjoy myself. Yet, I take no action to do it, as I fear, scared of going anywhere alone. I am afraid to be alone and do things alone. I life in fantasy land yet I take no action to make it reality. If the fantasy is achievable and realistic. I need to live in reality, not in fantasy.
How many fantasies I have heard over the years from different alcoholics in my life and how I fell for their unrealistic dreams, and I instead worked my ass off to help make it come true for them and they get to enjoy the rewards at my expense. They did not have to work at it, at all. All they had to do is say the fantasy and watch me go to work free of charge, no fees due here, to make this fantasy come true for them.If they are happy, I am happy. This is not reality. Yet, deep inside, I am miserable as I worked my ass for them, rather then myself. Is this my dream, my fantasy, my reality? Does it belong to me or some one else. Is it not their responsibility to make it reality?
I see that I take on other people fantasy, when its not my business. I need to focus on me, what I want, need , my dreams. My fantasy, I still have to be realistic. is it based on reality?
great insight joker .. relate to the fantasy and to the family members also playing along .. insightful too the thought of does it belong to us or to somebody else .. may have to reflect on this one awhile .. thanks for the post ..
I know an alcoholic/addict who lives in complete and total fantasy. I choose not to argue with it anymore, confront it or in any way deal with it.
That is also part of the arguing thing that so many of us fall into.
I think it is pretty hard to move in any or which way when you are depressed. When I am depressed I am pretty nice to myself, offer myself incentives to do stuff I do not like like the incredible bureaucracy of certain situations. I am good to myself rather than beat myself to death about what I could have, should have or may have done. Every bit of progress i make I celebrate.
Whatever issues I have I hold lightly rather than use them as a reason to beat myself up some more.
One reason I settled for "alcoholics was that at certain times they were nice to me. I was exceedingly un kind to myself all my life. If anyone was and still is nice to me a bell goes off in my head. I have to work really hard not to see that "bell" as a life saver. When I am nice to myself it immunizes me from being taken advantage of by others.
I.went to see my friend who is an alcoholic today.
I see her in.a very different light these days but I needed a big boundary for a long time in order not to feel compulsive around her. I was very conscious of how much she lives in a fantasy land.
I cant say I saw that before. The two of them together the fantasy and the complete inability to take care of herself are very dangerous.
What I am grateful for is the lifting of the compulsion to rescue her. I am so grateful to give the responsibility back to her.
I have compassion.for her but I.also have compassion for myself.
