The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about how some of us learned to cope by either inaction, reaction, or some combination of both. As I was reading I -- I don't think 'doing nothing' was ever in my repetoire and then I thought again...how many situations have I been in when I kept my mouth shut but was stewing over something to the point that steam was coming out of my ears. I would continue to stew, keep my mouth zipped, and eventually explode over something like a toothpaste cap being left off.
So-- inaction and then (over)reaction? Yes that has been me. The gentle aspect of this program, the reflective nature of working the steps, considering character defects and attributes has helped me move away from those extremes to a more peaceful and even tempered way of navigating life.
I am learning to think, breathe, consider and not act impulsively.
Good Morning Mary Great topic . I know that I have been guilty of making myself and my needs invisible in order to go along to get along . I guess I developed this tool in early childhood as a way to survive. It "appeared" to serve me in my FOO but in later years was a severe impediment . I would become angry and judgmental when my partner and friends did not read my mind, know what I needed. I could not understand how they could be so insensitive and did not realize that my defect of making myself invisible contributed to the situation. After working the Steps and examining my motives I discovered my part . Today after many meetings and working the Steps more than once i have found the courage to express my needs and accept the outcome
Thanks for your service. I too am a Yanks fan so:" Go Yankees " :)
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I pray that I may keep my eyes trained above the horizon of myself: I pray that I may see infinite possibilities for spiritual growth.
Hello Mary and Betty, thank you for sharing on this topic. "Making myself and my needs invisible" was also my defect. I've never seen it stated so clearly before! I love how in this program there is always something new to be learned.
Good morning all! Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your ESH and shares. I too did not 'see' me in this when I arrived. I had my own level of denial in so many ways. As I worked the steps, I too found where I would allow events to simmer and then I too could explode over something small. I love the three A(s) as when I become aware, I am 1/3 of the way to a better/different outcome.
I am still a work in progress. I am so grateful we never graduate and get to keep learning and growing each day. Happy Sunday to one and all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
good thread .. n betty k thanks for that .. i read that as ,. "Making myself and my needs invisible" .. i still make my needs invisible because i don't believe i deserve them on some level .. hmm
still stewing that .. i realise alcoholism is hidden .. my needs wants etc .. hidden in many ways still .. never thought god wanted me to have needs or wants .. recognizing this with a little different perception now .. shift in blame .. grateful ..
I had no balance in my life. My family was massively passive aggressive with the elephant in the room swept under the carpet.
where am I today??? Balanced,serene...? I feel like I have been through it all. Today i feel connected to the world, not least, as here, through the internet.
It gives me pride to feel that I, and us all, are a part of this online Alanon group.
One word of your own is vital to me- ~breathe~. More than anything else I tried balanced breathing 'bought me home'. It is so deceptively simple.
I was ready for it. Ready to respond, rather than to react.
.. bit of deep progress for me today ..
...
Thanks...