The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It will be two more weeks and then he will be out of rehab. These have been the most restful and stress-free weeks of my life this past year. I feel lighter, more productive, happier. I'm so scared about what happens when he gets out. He has no where to go, as he has already exhausted all of his family resources. He has no money, no job. He's called once (5 minute limit) and mentioned staying with me again. I didn't want to upset him, I wanted to keep it light, so we just laughed it off... but I can't have him here as I'm so scared of another relapse and the stressful situation that created for me in my home with my daughter. He doesn't do "plans." But I feel like if he is going to stay here there needs to be strict boundaries to preserve my own sanity. I feel strong now but I know if he gets more than 5 minutes to get inside my head he holds the power to manipulate me into letting him in. I need some strength!
Aloha Jessie, from my long experience in the family groups and with MIP I would suggest getting solidly attached to several Al-Anon Face to Face groups so that you can listen and learn from our planet wide family program. Leaving your time open and dependent on the alcoholic is the same as waiting for your worse dream to come true. Even now you are nervous and without much I think other than MIP. MIP is huge support for me and I still need the other tools such as literature, meetings, sponsorship, steps and traditions. Ours is not a "sometime" solution against this incurable disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions. If you do nothing chances are well that you will pick up just where he left and whatever he has learned will be challenged. In support...keep coming back, listen, learn, practice, practice, practice. (((hugs)))
Thanks for this - great words of support and so true... I hope to gain the courage and confidence to attend a face-to-face soon. This board alone has been such a big support; so I know that I would gain a lot from meetings and literature and all of the other things you've mentioned.
"Ours is not a "sometime" solution against this incurable disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions.� If you do nothing chances are well that you will pick up just where he left and whatever he has learned will be challenged"
Wow, these words really hit home for me.
Jessica - I smiled to 'me' at your second sentence as it really touched me fast and deep. Each time I would drop off mine at a rehab, I was sad and worried and .... yet, the longer they were there, the more peace I felt and I always got great rest/sleep when mine were in rehab or jail. I can also relate to the 'what's next'. My mind can take today, which was not release day and project out to the next relapse/catastrophic event.
I'm so with Jerry's suggestion of aligning yourself with Al-Anon recovery. Nothing changes if nothing changes and I learned the hard way that when they are released from rehab, no matter where they lay their head - the seeds of recovery have been planted. This is a family disease and we are also affected and relationships struggle without recovery by all.
I spent a ton of time thinking my alcoholic(s) were always/only in the wrong and I was fine. With each progression of the disease, we all got sicker. Al-Anon gave me the tools to realize I did not have to go back down the rabbit-hole even if they did/were. It's been the single best thing I've done for me to best live with the disease and it's all around me - mother, husband, sons, cousins, etc. Today, I see me as a separate person who loves others compassionately yet loves self enough to walk away from the drama/chaos this disease brings.
I hope you can find your courage and attend. It should be very similar to 'here' - loving members who understand, don't judge, don't advise but share of themselves with the hope something said will bring you comfort/ideas for your own journey.
Keep coming back - there is always hope/help in recovery!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
