The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been reading on line all day yesterday and today the message board and it makes me feel stronger and happier. I was able to sleep last night for a few hours and was awoken at 5:30 am to drunkin abf talking to himself and screaming "Demons get out of this house now, I mean now," totally out of his mind. I was not happy being awoken to drunkin nuts talk. I left and went and got coffee and came home and he was still going nuts yelling Demons I see you running around here, I said get out of this house, NOW" By 9 am I bolted out the house. I just left him go nuts on his own. He called me at noon and said he can not breath, he has asthma bad, and was asking for the medication for the asthma machine. I could not stop laughing at him on the phone. He has gone completely NUTS.I laughed and laughed said the devil got into your lungs? Is the devil in your air sacks, in your lungs? do you need a priest to remove the devil from your lungs? Is the devil in your air sacks? Did that sneaky devil jump down your neck? I just hung up on him and laughed and laughed at his issue. I believed he was trying to manipulate me and have me come home. I did not take the devil works to heart! I now it was lies! Yes it felt good to laugh and laugh at his issues. He just phoned me again and he said he has been coughing and coughing and got the asthma machine working and he has been coughing and coughing, cork screws! I said you mean beer caps? I said how many caps did you cough up? A case? 12 caps, was the beer cans attached to them? He says I am going to sleep. I said ok. I am not running home to that sickness, no way. He can gasp for air all he wants, I do not care, he knows what he must do, call 911 if he needs medical emergency. I am not the paramedics. I am not 911. He is a grown man and knows what he must do. I need my sanity right now, I can not deal with him. I need to stay away right now to have sanity. I can not deal with someone that is completely off the wall and seeing and hearing things that are not there. This is not his first rodeo, he knows what he has to do. I am not running home to save him, he can call 911 if he needs. I am going to stay at a hotel tonight, I do not want to be near him at all, I am fed up with his BS! Done with hearing it! I deserve better, I deserve sanity. I am not playing his sick games!
(((Joker))) - hope you are feeling better....the insanity of the untreated disease is so overwhelming - sending you thoughts and prayers for a peaceful day!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I can certainly understand the issue of leaving for your sanity. I can also understand the decision to not help out the A despite their pleas for help.
For me personally the decision not to be involved with a alcoholic./addict who was also sick with a medical condition was very difficult.
I got pulled into his total abdication of taking care of himself.
I have to have a lot of boundaries around people who do not take care of themselves.
Staying in a hotel is one option of course. Indeed when I lived around an alcoholic (one who I was roommates with) I often "stayed away" because I did not want to deal with the chaos.
I also stayed away as a way to manage my emotions.
Eventually I had to take a lot of action to get myself out of that situation.
I weigh every relationship I have very carefully these days. I am no longer willing to tolerate too much chaos and self destruction. It isn't that I am not a giving person, I am, but I am too giving.
In order to do "well" I have to have a life that is devoid of chaos and upheaval. I deserve to do well in my life. I deserve to have sanity and I deserve to live in a calm loving place.
Alcoholics are great at creating a mirage around them and of course for blaming others for their problems.
I hope you will find the resources and space you need to evaluate your current situation and take the time to take care of yourself.
I take the time to take care of myself despite knowing there are certain alcoholics that I care about who are on a constant self destructive cycle. I don't ignore them. I just choose not to put all my energy into saving them anymore. I choose to be good,kind and loving to myself. I did not get that from an alcoholic. I also know that saying no to someone who claims they are "dying" is very very difficult.
Nowadays I don't worry, I don't rush in, I don't counsel, I don't think up constant resources for them. I just let it be.
I don't hate them anymore either but I just let it be.
