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yes, the madness has started again. The abf has started on another bender. He was drunk for 4 days straight. He would do work around the house and drink all day/night. It was brutal. Yesterday, he was deadly sick since he has not had a drink since Sunday. He is now drinking again this afternoon. He says he is sick with a cold/hungover and needs a drink. if anyone is sick, its me. I am deadly sick, with bronchitis. I have been to the doctors and got antibiotics. I went and had a few drinks on Saturday as my cousin and his gf were at my house. I needed a break from the madness of the past 3 days of non stop drinking. He abf was thrilled I was having a few drinks. He was happy and I tried my best to enjoy myself and not judge. I have been reading al-anon on line and trying to remain sane. I have a plan. If he starts going wild on me tonight with his drunkenness, I will leave and go to a hotel. I can not tolerate it anymore, especially when I am sick as can be. One good thing is things is being done around the house that he neglected for long time. Someone his drinking gives him energy to get things done. My cousin is still here and is helping him with the work that needs to be done, so that is helping too, keep him away from me. I am trying to focus on me and say, he is going to drink what are you going to do? He is an alcoholic, insane talk and behaviors go with it what is new? This is what a drunk acts and sounds like, its not new, been there with him how many times? What do you expect? what is the answer? Remove self from his influence. get self away from him for now, do not engage, argue, judge, ect just let him be..focus on self, focus on your safety, your sanity, your life...I am trying not to let his drinking get to me, trying to say, not my problem!
'Focus on self' for me means more than just focusing on doing my own thing and not letting my days become completely swallowed up by the chaos and my own obsession with the drinker. Focusing on me also means that the issue is never just the drinker alone. We have work to do on ourselves. To break free from this merrygoround we must begin to take responsibility for our own behaviour, choices, attitude.
To continue in the blame game and scapegoating is denial and keeps us locked in. If we keep blaming the drinker for all our problems then we are stuck because it means they and only they must change for improvement. This is incorrect, they dont have to change a single thing for our lives to improve but we must accept it is our own responsibility and not theirs.This is what Alanon is trying to help us with. Realising that we have the solution within us, a spiritual solution and its filled with action. Reading the daily readers every day, speaking with alanon members and more importantly listening to what they did to make their life better, getting to meetings, it takes commitment. Its there for the taking for all of us but sometimes we need to get sick of being sick and realise that we are wallowing in self pity and enjoying the drama and chaos this life brings us. Harsh realisation but it seems to me to be a symptom we all suffer from rather than a judgement or a moral issue, its part of our sickness.
-- Edited by el-cee on Wednesday 4th of October 2017 05:38:32 AM
(((Joker))) - I am sorry to hear that you are sick -- take good care of self and get well quickly....I am sending you positive thoughts and prayers. Living with an alcoholic is difficult and it's even more stressful when we don't feel well. Sending love and light your way!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
