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So I had this crazy emotional roller-coaster week last week. When the weekend finally rolled around I was determined to get out of my head so it was off to the great outdoors. Capped it off yesterday (Sunday) with a great little hike with my daughters.
Afterward we popped into a store for some treats. I haven't drank much since my wife told me she was an alcoholic and I have not brought any alcohol into our home. But yesterday I knew she was going to be gone, it was hot and there was a wonderful looking IPA right there in the cooler. So, I got it to bring home with the intention of kicking it on the back patio while I enjoyed this rare beverage.
We get home and, of course, wife's already home too. I unload everything from the car except this beer. I fretted over it the rest of the evening. Could I still drink it? Where would I go to drink it? I'm not bringing it in the house but I'm not going to go hide in the shed or something either. Like a teenager trying to figure out how to sneak something out of their parent's liquor cabinet.
Finally, I get it through my head that "you can't drink this tonight." I let it go. I think "my meeting is tomorrow, so I can just have it after work when I go get dinner." so this beer has been in my car for almost a day now. Now It's hot outside so I doubt it's going to be very good, and I realized it might be bad form to show up to my meeting stinking like booze. Not that I think anyone would say anything. This stupid situation has been in the back of my head all day. I think I'm just going to have to toss the damn thing and my lesson is to never ever try to bring alcohol home again even if I think she'll be out.
Just a note: my AW wanted me to continue my normal drinking, beer after work with dinner, asking her to pick up something for me, etc. I think she wanted to keep things as much the same as possible.
I am not a beer expert, but does it go "bad" after sitting in the car like that? Can't you just put in back in the fridge, get it cold, and it's back to normal? I guess your point is that you can't do that. How about a neighbor? A cooler? I'm sure you'll figure it out. Enjoy.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
You're right it doesn't go "bad" like spoiling. I could cool it down and drink it. But I have no place to do that, or I could do a bunch of strategizing on how I am going to cool off a single beer on the down low. But if I go to all that trouble to drink a single beer I think I might be at the wrong meeting.
Maybe I'll take it to my meeting for show and tell tonight LoL.
Oh my......this disease affects so many things that we don't consider until we have to. I got a chuckle out of your story...
With my experience from 'the other side' I could give you some pointers - ha.ha.ha.ha.....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
WOW!! I had to laugh...I can drink a beer here and there and when the food comes?? Take the beer away, but every now and again a "cold one" hits the spot....especially after a day outside with my sports or yard work, or whatever....in the old days, living with my AH's #1,2 I kept it real cool..Almost sneaky as I didn't want to "aide and abet" , yea, the disease even affected THAT....course I did sometimes drink ONE wine cooler with my AH#2 because he was never abusive, so yea, I did it sometimes, but got tired of it...He wanted me to "join him" every night....NO WAY!!!! and he accepted my boundary....
Great story, WestMan! Please let us know if you brought it to your meeting for show and tell.
During the phase when I decided I was not going to drink, in solidarity with my AH who had stated his drinking days were over ... when I really wanted to treat myself to a glass of wine, I would take myself out to dinner alone at a restaurant and have a glass of wine with the meal. It also got me out of the house, which was nice. I never gave an explanation, just said I was going out.
I enjoy an ice cold beer on a hot day, and other times as well. I had a couple of ice cold ones this past weekend. I went to the racetrack here for the weekend -- in the morning to watch the horses train, work, etc., and then in the afternoon for the races. And did the same the next day! LOL. It was a nice hot day, not humid, and the ice cold beers were so good.
I hope you get to enjoy your beers WestMan. All the best.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
I could give pointers also and then I'll let it go cause that isn't my job. As a college educated alcohol and substance abuse therapist I could go on forever and the will do the LOL because consequences are the best teachers for me and you have already learned enough to give you chicken skin. Chicken skin isn't fatal and a good teacher. Let us know how it comes out. ((((hugs))))
I went and got a different beer with dinner. The problem beer will just have to sit in the car until I go hang out with friends on Friday. Had a good laugh about it with my sponsor after the meeting.
Thanks for the chuckle WestMan Just goes to show us doesn't it?! Imagine worrying like that everyday and what that must do to a person's self-esteem. So sad.
I stopped drinking any alcohol at home a couple of years before my husband stopped because I didn't trust myself not to loose my temper after even just one glass of wine. It also meant that AH had to take responsibility for all the empties which was a bonus.
It is shares like this that show me again how important alcohol has become in our lives. We worry about this one and that one and how to keep it and serve it...I should say I worried about it. I was the alcohol fixer in my relationships and also the poster boy for some makes. I was finally driven to the reality that alcohol is not a health item...it is a mind and mood altering chemical which if it and when it becomes compulsively addictive also often becomes fatal for those affected by it. That part we understand. I stood to be come a doofus after I learned what it was my life was affected by and still had the inclination to drink. I stopped and never returned to it even though it would like me to in the hardest way. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
I gave up drinking when I realised how toxic the effects of it is in my ABF. I gave up to support him. Hasn't helped as he hasn't stopped. I haven't had a drink in nearly a year now and sometimes I really want a drink. I keep some no alcohol beer in the fridge but it's not the same. I don't know if I'd drink again if/when I get rid of the ABF. To be honest I'm glad I no longer have to worry about what I've said when I've been drinking (I have a terrible memory and even one drink can affect that) and I don't miss hangovers. Sometimes when he really angers me I want to go and drink a whole bottle of something but I know that is exactly the wrong reason to be drinking. So I don't. I'm not sure if I'll ever have a healthy relationship with alcohol again so for me it's easier just to completely avoid it. I can get in enough trouble without it!!
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"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band
MizzB you're heading in the right direction mind, body, spirit and emotions. Keep working it as you have been working it and the outcome will amaze you. You don't get negative consequences from doing positive work. In support (((()))) hugs.
I have a drink as Christmas, and maybe once or twice a year.
But to be honest I really enjoy a drink first thing in the morning! I like to feel the warmth as it hits the spot. In the evening I much prefer a step 11- to relax, to reflect and the feel sleep creeping up on me- unassisted. I am lucky, that s the age of 66 I dont have to take any meds [yet!]
On my journey I have looked at the good old drinking culture... and its place in my world... once or twice a year i have a morning drink early- 6 a.m. have my breakfast and then hop on my 125 Honda and go to work.
That seems to break all of the rules- cultural and otherwise... but I got here by breaking rules- especially about what and when to share my inner peace.
I drink, socially. During my marriage, after my AW's drinking got very bad, I stopped drinking in my house. I don't know why. It just happened. I certainly did not drink with her. During my separation and post-divorce -- I drink when I want to. LOL.
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Just goes to show us doesn't it?! Imagine worrying like that everyday and what that must do to a person's self-esteem. So sad.
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