The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Fourth Step-The reading discusses taking a fearless and moral inventory, in which the author thought his/her's was not good enough. What he realized was that he felt inadequate his entire life, so he wouldn't be able to do the 4th Step well enough either. But he learned that his best is good enough! And his self-doubt fell into perspective realizing it was an effect of living with problem drinkers for so many years. He is now able to not give his doubts much validity.
Today's Reminder: Step Four offers me a chance to find some balance. It helps me to identify the things I've been telling myself about myself, and to learn whether or not those things are true. Today I will take one of my assumptions about myself and hold it up to the light. I may find that it stems from habit rather than reality.
Quote from The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage: Let me realize...that self-doubt and self-hate are defects of character that hinder my growth.
I relate so easily to this entire passage. I had only negative ideas about myself until way into my adulthood. Self-doubt and self-hate caused me to suffer often and never feel good about anything I did. Now I know that is not fair or accurate. I will never be perfect , but awareness of my defects allows me to work on them, and casting aside what is learned habit and not reality, allows me to feel more confident and worthy of love. I like the challenge given in the reminder: take an assumption and see if it is really true or not. Seeking balance seems like a good idea, Lyne
Hi Lyne. I too can relate to this reading. For years I have had self doubt and self hate. I was told from a child I was too fat,. Too quiet,. Too this or too that. This was only reinforced by getting pregnant in high school married and divorced by age 21, then married and divorced again 2 more times by age 36. Along the way my accomplishments were lost, like raising 2 wonderful boys, completing college thru getting a master's degree. I was still looked at by family as a disappointment or so I thought. When it came to interpersonal relationships with family I always revert back to that little girl who would be chastised for something that wasn't my fault. Today I see that for what it is. I have alot of great qualities and have accomplished much due to the grace of my HP. I no longer have to be a martyr or a victim. I choose to work on me and not try and control others in my life. I am far from perfect, working on it. Taking time today to clear my head. It has been 2 weeks since I left my AH. We have spoken and I am learning to let him be. He isn't ready to make a change so I did. I calmly expressed what I have to do for my sanity and it doesn't matter if he agrees or not. I don't agree with what he is doing but I can't change him,. Just me. I am greatly to everyone for your ESH and my HP. I know the answer will come in the future as to what and where my life is going. I am not rushing it. Just going through the process. Looking at my character defects and shining that light on them is a great concept. I will keep coming back. Thanks.
Hi Lyne, Thanks for this topic . I was frightened of the 4th Step when i first understood the depth of the task. My sponsor explained that I did not have to do it perfect, as I could work another Step 4 anytime I needed. I have worked this step every year for the lst few years and appreciate the freedom it affords me. Letting go of denial, looking clearly at my actions and motives freed me from many of my defects.
Thanks for yur service.
hey Lyne, Sure do agree with what you said...when my inner critic "gets on me" with her "BS" assessments to me, I take her to "court" I make her prove to me that I am this or that.....and yea, I do a lot of self talk now...forcing me to stay present, mindful...and I find my self saying "good job" or "good shot" when I do something real good.....I don't beat me up anywhere near as much when I screw up...I make amends if applicable and take it in stride better......i am a work in progress...
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily....I too can relate - I was never enough in my mind and I never did 'good enough' either. Working the steps of this program with my sponsor, especially the 4th helped me realize I am enough, I am exactly as I am supposed to be - imperfect...
I am grateful that I've been able to leave the past me behind and am mostly able to live in the present. I am so grateful for the program - it is like shedding a heavy load I carried for years and years.
Make it a great Monday all. I am 'recovering' from 4 softball games and praying for all affected by Irma as well as for those directly and indirectly affected by 9/11. (((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
If self-doubt were a country I would be the president. I work on this often and have improved especially when I got to Al-Anon. I really want to instill confidence in my kids and I can see sometimes my critic inserts itself into my interactions with them. I may not be able to always catch myself in time. But, what I AM doing is trying to pass on some of these lessons and tools about self-doubt and confidence that I have learned. This is one more reason I am grateful for Al-Anon.
