The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so disgusted, i mean discussed with the abf. I can not bear to be in the same room as him another moment! He is a useless piece of human being! I mean a waste of time and energy! I can not tolerate a couch potato! Its beyond disgusted that a woman, has to load a truck and take it to the dump, as the abf is just sitting there, will not help at all! He wakes up at 2 pm in the afternoon and expects me to go to Tim Hortens to get him coffee so its ready for him, when he wakes, up, what the insane name is he thinking! I am not the slave to his sick needs! I am like what planet is he on! He is not working at a job, has not been looking for work, on EI that will expire in 2 months, and he expects me to pay for his way, NO WAY! I am done, done, catering to his needs, he has two legs and two hands that are working just fine! He is beyond sick! I have had enough of helping him and being there! He can look after his sick self! I am done! he is beyond lazy and useless, as he will do nothing constructive around the house and I can not live in filth. I mean filth! He will let things rot if I do not do anything! Its that pathetic. I can not live in that kind of environment! I deserve to be in a home that is safe and clean for my own health and well being! He is like a zombie, just sitting there in front of the TV rotting away! there is things to be done around the house and he will not do anything, just sit there on the couch and stare at the TV! Pathetic, Pathetic! I am so done with his laziness and sickness.
I have a plan, its called, I will find someone to help me around the house, someone that is a man that can lift and move things I want. I will not depend on him for anything! I mean anything! I will find someone else that will be happy to help me. I do not need to beg and beg for help from a sicko..a piece of wasted time and energy! There are a hell of a lot of other men out there that I can find to help me with what I need done around the house, and not include or ask the ABF for anything as it will not get done period! He is not the only man with a penis and arms and legs! There are others out there that can and are willing to help a woman gladly! I am so ashamed of him, ashamed of myself for being with a piece of garbage that has nothing to offer. He should be in a mental hospital and get the help he needs, then I will not have to look at him or hear his useless talk. He is all talk and no action! Waste of time, my time, my energy, my life! Yet, I stay on and on and expect he will get his act together, I am in dream land, he is not going to change, that is reality! What is see is what I get! Maybe this is the reality I did not want to face, and this reality is pathetic, and not want I want or need! Its my wake up call, to say, this is reality, this is your man that you chose to be with, and guess what, this is what it is, you have to accept it or leave! You have choices. I am angry at myself for tolerating this BS and having a piece of lazy useless, good for nothing piece of shit for a partner! I deserve better, I deserve much better and I am going to get better! I do not have to live like this anymore! I have to stand my truth and this is my truth, I live with a mental health sicko, that is lacking motivation, energy, and is just existing and sitting on the couch, wasting his life away! This is not what I want and I am fed up with this reality! I have to take action, and do something different! what ever that difference is, if it means hiring a handyman, or getting the neighbor to help me, but do not put any faith, expectations on having the sick man be apart of my world! He is useless and will go nowhere but that is not my problem, meanwhile I am gone, living a life I choose for myself! I have this life and its mine and if I want a better outcome, I have to be the one to take action and change things for myself! I am angry, so angry, at the choice of man I have decided to be with! I am ashamed, of him and myself! I want a man with motivation, energy, happy, outgoing, sober, sane, stable, loving, ect. Not this piece of shit of a man I have hanging around my neck like a necklace! I am so done with Alcoholics! They are so, so sick!
Thanks for letting me vent this, I just hit my anger button bad!
(((Joker))) - vent away ... my hope is it helps you to release it all. I too hear you - sending tons of positive thoughts and prayers!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((Joker))) Vent away... I know all too well how good it feels to get all that negative energy OUT of your body! I was in your shoes, except my qualifier was my husband of 29 years! But when I finally was done... I mean DONE, MY rock bottom... then I took the steps to be free of him.
I am not totally free, as we are still married and we are parents of a teen, but KID and I are now living on our own... a fresh new start!
Keep this post for when you feel he's "trying" to win you back. LOL! Then it will remind you of your convictions!
Peace and Light to you!
PNP
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Joker - I hear you!!! I am with a lazy oaf too who when drunk criticises me for whatever household task I've let slip that week (can't do everything - I work full time, and evenings for the job and have a dog too)!! When sober he sometimes helps, but doesn't even touch on the amount of cleaning I do.
So he can do his own washing up, his own laundry, everything. I'm withdrawing. And trying to do it with love.
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"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band
Nothing changes if nothing changes. I am sure you will get your house cleaned up, tasks completed, items moved, etc. I am sure you will find someone who will help you. I am sure you will get done whatever you need and want to get done, without your ABF. Without question. And on that note, I say...nothing changes if nothing changes. You stumbled upon what you want to face, want to address, want to handle. Face it. Address it. Handle it. When you are ready you'll be ready.
Thank you for sharing.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Hey Joker...Vent away....your post sounds like you are asking yourself "is this how I want to live for the rest of my life??? be with this when I am old????" and you are angry at facing the truth of your situation...I hear ya...been there...done that....when I was DONE, I was DONE...I handled it and learned my lessons....got into Al-anon so I would not be a repeat "offender" against the freedom and sanity and happiness and health of ME........you will take care of you..when you are ready...when its time , you will change the ONLY thing you can change and that is YOU and what you are doing....how you are living...how you are responding...etc....sending hugs of support...
