The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My lovely, but sometimes toxic AH is out drinking and sends me a text "you know, you always ruin my holiday weekends" Really? I always ruin your holidays!?" Pre Al-Anon me would have marched my arse down to the bar, right hooked him in the jaw and told him to put his phone away (true story, not proud), but that's the insanity of this disease. He runs fast and furious from reality and I'm just so obliged to follow. I used to feel threatened, hurt and enraged toward his illogical thinking and I would REACT. Tonight I took a moment to "think" and decided my next best move was to pray, so I prayed to a power greater than me to bless him and change me. I prayed to HP to guide my thoughts and to give him a little slice of piece of mind pie. And that prayer filled me with compassion for my husband and that gave me piece of mind. That's what this program gives me, funny how it works :)
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
Great job Bunny.....I admit I got a chuckle out of the 'trip to the bar scenario'....I can so relate to some crazy reactions before I came to recovery. You are doing awesome and the program does work when we work it!
(((Hugs))) - keep doing you!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I really love that you call him 'lovely but sometimes toxic' Isnt it great to be more in reality, more objective? Its like owning your own thoughts and opinions rather than the old viewpoint that I had the very black and white hes bad im good, his behaviour is wrong mine is right. The power is yours to respond to people places and things in a way that preserves your serenity and you made the choice and I love reading about those choices.
When I took it all personally and took hurts constantly and had the big bad list of things he said and did. I used so much energy giving away my own power that I couldnt have a happy even joyful day. It blackened my mind, a big cloud obscured any moments in my days that had joy and and happiness. Today Im more like you, not always but mostly I dont have to take the hurt and if I do then i need to look at some reason within me as to why. Am I too tired, hungry etc, never remember the rest but its usually about me, always about me when i feel hurt. I try, like you to get to acceptance of people places and things. I mean how many times in a day do we go back to step 1? what a step that is.
Alcoholism has created a crisis in the life of my son and others, not me mind you but boy oh boy have I felt the fear rise up and the uneasiness, difficult to get comfortable but I know it will pass. I feel somewhere deep in my conscious I feel it gives me an excuse to behave badly and so I have been a bit short with people, got a bit angry at people places things that dont normally have the power over me. Ive looked to see if direct amends were needed and how lovely but no no direct amends needed I held my tongue and behaved appropriately really, its my mind that had the venom and I did vent to those close to me but on the whole despite the crisis I havent let it take over my whole life and mind. I do have amends to make and those are to keep working on changing my attitude. I thought about those resentments today and said those very words, bless them change me. Everything and everyone are perfectly perfect just as they are and its up to me to change me to accept everyone and everything just as it is today. Thanks for your post.x
Thank you for your share, bunny. I also loved your description as " lovely, but sometimes toxic" and also laughed at your former bar encounter! Good for you for taking the time to gather your wits and thoughts to keep you in a calm, accepting state. It was an inspiring read for sure!
El-cee, I also got so much out of your response as well. Everything you wrote resonated with me!
Happy Labor Day Weekend! September 1st! I love Autumn, but am always sad to see another summer near its end.
LOL bunny .. thanks for the share and I will admit my thought at your title was (and I did laugh at myself) "slug him .. change me" and that was before I read your pre alanon response. Sorry it's a reflection of where I am at.
You sound like you are really working through things and good for you!! It is so hard some days to remember not to rationalize their insane logic because it is absolutely insane and I do not need a front row seat nor do I need to be a participant in the craziness. They are allowed to do what they want.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Thanks for sharing, Bunny! I see great program work in your post. Hugs
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
(((bunny))) Great job detaching. So easy to begin firing texts back and forth. Bless him (them), change me. That is going to be my go to phrase for this weekend. Thank you for being a great example of the Alanon program in action. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
