The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ive realised that I cant ride on my early days step work forever, I've got to keep on with the step 4 inventory, the self searching seems to be so important for our recovery and for our continued quest towards emotional sobriety.
Alcoholism seems to come into my life like an earthquake and shakes me to the core and all these defects and old behaviours come up to the surface and yet no longer do I feel the self loathing and judgement of self. I can see the disease rise up in me and I am so much less likely to do the whole self hate talk in my head. For that I can be grateful, crisis brought about by the drinkers in my life are usually God given and spur me on to do the work, take the action, like nothing else on this Earth could, I suspect.
Im not saying its comfortable to look at my shortcomings and see the obstacles that block the way to growth because it can be squirmy to see the truth of me because ego tells us me I am great at this or that ..... whatever, ego exaggerates my strengths and I lose sight of the truth.
I know my strengths are important, the foundations on which to build from but step 4 keeps revealing how distorted my mind becomes in both my defects and my strengths. I want the truth of me to be able to see me with clarity because how can we progress without step 4? How do you keep moving forward and keep getting the spiritual awakenings without step 4? Im working on the blueprint for progress book, the questions are great and its taking so long because it keeps getting me to think but I have gotten so much more honest and its a humbling experience.
I agree LC My first venture into Step 4 was admirable, however since I was new in program and had not developed the discerning eye to see the very "clever" ways my distorted thinking had hidden my true motives., I missed quite few
As the result of meetings alanon readings. learning humility and practicing these principles : "Honesty. compassion. trust in HP , focused on myself, as I have today. I think, as you stated that we did a great job at first. I am no longer afraid o discover my very human destructive actions, as I know that they are hiding very positive constructive assets
I found that I must redo Steps 4 though 9 every year and that a Step 10 each evening helps me to stay conscious of any new little defects that I missed.
Love this share and thanks for sharing the journey.
I am also grateful for the gentle philosophy within our recovery program that suggests progress - not perfection is our goal. I recall how overwhelmed I was when I went through the steps the first time. It was hard work and I was in a completely different place mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I felt I too had done a good job at the time and continued to find more sanity and serenity progressing forward with the steps.
What I see as I seek a spiritual journey is that more is always revealed. This applies to me, my attitudes, my thinking, the disease and how it affects me. I have gone through the steps several times and each time, there is more awareness, acceptance and action to keep me learning and growing.
We often say that our emotional baggage of the past, if not addressed and processed, will block one from the sunlight of the spirit. There are times in recovery where I've seriously struggled to 'see the lesson' for the pain, yet the WE part of recovery kicks in, and those who are working hard can help me see what I may not see.
Great share el-cee and grateful you are part of my journey!! I love how the growth and awareness of others working it help me to consider something differently or push me to action for me...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This share made me think about the first time my sponsor asked me to do Step 4 again. I thought to myself, Hey I already did that! And it was no easy task. The first time I was almost speechless . But now several years later, I think my sponsor asked me to do Step 4 once or twice more, and each time was easier and beneficial. I think with recovery comes less fear of discovering who I am, the good with the bad. What a concept-I'm allowed to be good and have flaws, and I choose to work on the flaws. Progress not perfection, Lyne
