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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hope for Today aug 29
Post Info TOPIC: Hope for Today aug 29
yanksfan51


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Hope for Today aug 29
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Good morning Everyone:

Today's reading is about setting boundaries and detachment with love.  The writer describes a relationship with his/her mother which is affected by alcoholism, even after the mother is no longer drinking. One phrase used to describe the relationship is 'I didn't know where my mother ended and I began.'   That one resonsated with me as the qualifiers in my life have played a similar part-- that is, I PUT them in that part of being my life, not simply people in my life.

The writer goes on to describe that  loving detachment helped set limits/boundaries and clarified whose life was whose.  Personally I have felt that my setting of boundaries and detachment has evolved over the time I was living with my now exAH to now- as I primarily interact with him because of our kids. Overall though, the question that has helped me the most is pretty simple:  'is ---- what I want in my life?' The ---- could be: someone coming into my house late and drunk, it could be an argument, it could be peacefulness, positivity.  Determining  what I wanted the ---- to be and living in that has helped me detach from situations that impede that in any way.

I hope everyone enjoys a peaceful and positive Tuesday!

Mary 



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hotrod


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Good Morning Mary Thank you for the powerful example of how learning "Detachment with love" can be so essential to recovery. Learning how to draw healthy boundaries of where I started and another began was my first huge step in the recovery journey.It is all a process and I am so glad to be sharing the journey with you and all my MIP friends.
Have a lovely day and Thank you for your service.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Skorpi


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Good morning Mary, thanks for today's post.

Detachment with love was a hard one for me, and I did it clumsily at first. I am still working on it, getting a bit more skilled at detachment with practice. I like your question: "Is ___ what I want in my life?" I'm going to try using that question intentionally today. It really cuts to the point, I think.

I hope you have a wonderful day!

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Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Iamhere


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Good morning all - thanks for the ESH above me! Thank you Mary for the daily and your service.

Well....I can say that I've had yet another life lesson on detachment. What I've learned is to go to bed as planned and shut off the brain sooner.

I got a new phone Friday and it took me a while this weekend to get stuff transferred over and to learn how to use it. I was transitioning from a Windows phone to an Android and let's just say the back end systems don't speak to each other as well as we need/want them to.

I readily admit I have also been distracted by the Houston Disaster as I have a brother and a 2nd cousin down there....so - more family contact in the last few days that I am used to.

I realized last night that I had not heard from Son 2 since Friday. I've spoken often about my brain and how it so wants to react or freak out. I often can pull a tool and get some calm before sitting with God to determine best next steps. It was late, and I was tired so my brain got the best of me.

Here's my insanity....

- Worried, I sent a basic text asking if he was OK. Typically I go to sleep before both of my sons.
- Woke this morning, and no response. I allowed my obsessive brain to interrupt parts my morning routine.
- I texted again.
- I texted Son 1 who was to hang with him Sunday.
- Son 1 responded they did not hang but they talked and Son 2 seemed OK.
- I sat with my worry, cried with my worry and worked myself up to a frenzy with panic and fear.
- I tried to call Son 2 as did Son 1.
- Finally, Son 2 texted and said, "He was busy"....

While I don't know if he's sober still or not, I do know that he's OK. So...just for today, I am back to Step 1 - I am powerless over this disease and my life in a bit unmanageable. *Sigh* - I truly hate this disease today...

Make it a great day MIP family - thank you for being here!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
El


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Thank you for the above shares.  When it comes to detachment, I still tend to be in the "all or nothing" stage. I can detach WITHOUT love OR it takes me awhile to realize that I am WAY too involved and need to back off or stop the swirling/twirling in my brain.  It's not that I don't see some progress, but I am barely out of the starting gate when it comes to healthy detachment.

Glad to hear that son #2 is OK, IAH!  I know when I am tired, it is very hard to reign in the craziness I can feel.  Sometimes I will say aloud, " I simply can't even stand myself, so I'm  going to bed!"  Haha.

On a positive note, I have attended 2 really great separate meetings in my area. The time frames have become convenient for me and I enjoyed both groups so much! Powerful, positive, wonderful folks. I felt very energized, hopeful and grateful after each meeting.

Here's HP at work:  The Monday night meeting used to be my home group around 3 years ago. I became friendly with a woman there, but for some reason we never exchanged #s and when I stopped going, I felt badly to not see her again.  She was there last night and she told me that she got a little jolt when she saw me walk in because she had been thinking of me just a couple of days before. She said it was like my face kept floating by in her mind.  I haven't seen her in 3 years!  So, I think HP nudged me back to that group and more will be revealed!  I can feel the aura of change coming my way, if that makes any sense.

(((Hugs)))

Ellen

 

 



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bud


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Thank you - the questions you pose are really helpful towards understanding my needs and not doubting my boundaries.

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DavidG


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 Boundaries... thanks for the topic, Mary.

For me there were gender boundaries, generational boundaries mostly. At its core I was so out of touch I would literally gatecrash conversations. Not a really good way to make friends. Actually, sharing online can be a bit of a lifeline. To generate a bit of trust.

My communication has improved over the last two years- because of some outside help I was able to manage.

I began to look at space, and people's space. Actually I started with considering my own personal space. I felt it had been invaded so much I had no sense of self. From people who had no idea either- after all, I do believe that hurt people hurt people.

Good to get that one out there... for me this was the pathway to detachment and serenity- to realise that no actual person was really to blame. Not least, myself.

Last week I was in another country- we were invited along, by street vendor to a free meal. The people in Malaysia are truly hospitable and generous. They have a culture around visitors. So we came and ate and got to chatting. The old women had been a street vendor for years. She had become a solo parent when her youngest daughter was three. The daughter was there, hovering on the background. Obviously I had made eye contact with her.

Towards the end of the visit it came time to take selfies and photos... a really modern innovation... but a delight. There were four of us in the picture- calling in passerby's [as you do] to include everyone.

Towards the end the daughter rocked up, wanting a photo with me. Okay? I thought... she had a Moslem headscarf on- kinda scary a bit- about her personal space. [A bit like having a photo with a nun, for me.]

But we stood there and I realised we were mirroring each other's body language. We both gave the thumbs up as the camera clicked.

A golden moment- a golden moment of grace...

   ...thanks be to Alanon for the goodness and grace to be alive, and to be a citizen of the world.! smile...



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hope for Today aug 29