The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so upset. Got up this morning, did my prayers and quiet time. The thoughts roaming through my head negative. I was suppose to do something with my sister and what does she do, what she always does, think about herself. She sends me a random text and then when I text back she doesn't reply. I have a sponsor who does the same exact thing, she will say oh give me a call if you need me and then when I call no answer, or she will tell me to text her some information and guess what no response. Something like banging my head against the wall.
I keep wondering why can't they respond. They expect me to respond and I do, but when they are doing whatever it is or in whatever state they are in, it doesn't matter no respect in my opinion, I am surrounded by alcoholics and drug addicts in full addiction - mother, sister, brothers, son. And by me seeking recovery I am all alone. I am the nutty one where no one cares about. And I am desperately trying to keep focused and not get distracted over this. I keep hearing you can get off the merry go round of self pity any time you want. I am alone and then there is face to face meetings and yet I experience the same thing, go to a meeting it's nice like yesterday someone will extend their telephone number and then they are busy.
I guess I get so upset because I am busy too. But I pick up the phone. I feel guilty if I don't. even when I am in the middle of school work or something. I just want to have a nice Sunday, God help
When I picked my sponsor I made sure it was someone that had time for me. I picked a retired person without a lot of drama in theit life. You can change sponsors. That said, the sponsor is there to help you work the steps. That is their primary job. But if they never pick up, I say get a new sponsor. Inevitably, sometimes sponsors wont pick up because they have stuff going on too. You calling and making the effort is for you so it isn't totally wasted when they don't pick up. Keep going to meetings. Reach out. Talk to lots of people. Get more numbers. That way when one doesnt answer, other fellows in the program will. Ask them to call you back too if they don't answer. Just say you are struggling and really need to talk to someone.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Sunday 27th of August 2017 09:46:13 AM
(((Hugs))) thunder - so very sorry for the state of the morning. I agree with pinkchip and will add that we pass out a phone list and we smile/dial (figure of speech) until we find a program friend who does answer when in crisis. I am one who had to learn to use the phone rather than sit with my anger, fear, etc. It felt like it weighed a thousand pounds but each time I reached out in recovery, I got what I needed.
My sponsor had to point out to me that everybody has different 'values'. I am like you - I value returning calls/texts as soon as possible. Yet, I find some of my closest friends believe a return call/text in the same day is acceptable. And - there are my sons where they do expect me to be fast/responsive, yet do not honor that in return. It truly used to baffle/anger me deeply.
I was reminded of our slogan - How important is it? Do I want 'this' to ruin my day? Do I want 'this' to cause a break in a relationship? I really had to learn how to let small things go to hold onto my serenity - and it happens through practice for me.
You are not alone - keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thunder, aside from the comparison aspect of this, start to get a handle on this one step, one item, at a time. Your sister and your plans with her. Like you said, she did what she always does. Don't dwell on "think about herself" -- because if you do, you will clutch onto it, dwell, etc., and that will make it worse. She does what she always does -- and that's where you have to have acceptance. It doesn't happen right away, but then, you can let it go. It won't consume you or control you.
Your sponsor -- while she may be a good person, she just may not be the right sponsor for you. She may not be accessible or as responsive as you like, want, need, whatever. That's OK. So if you are feeling you need more -- keep it simple -- either discuss it with her and express that, or find someone else. I don't mean to oversimplify any of this, but you should try and get a handle on each of these items and address what you feel needs to be and what you want to address. This is your recovery.
Keep reaching out. Call until you reach someone, someone who can talk. I don't know if there is a telephone list here, but ask, and if there is, get it and start calling. There are people here and in the rooms who care. Life sometimes gets in the way. You don't have to feel alone. Slow down, take a breath and keep trying. Hang in there.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
When I first came to these boards I thought I was crazy because that is what I was being told. Alcoholism is a crazy making disease and I'm so sorry that many in your family are affected and you've been having to deal with it alone. This place is a wonderful refuge, there are people here who understand. Huge hats off to you for managing to reach out, you are worth it!
I remember once, when I was at rock bottom -- I thought I was having a heart attack, which turned out to be an anxiety attack (which I never had before, so I didn't know) -- and I really needed to talk to someone. I called my sponsor and he didn't answer. It was during the work day. I called another friend from program. No answer. I went to a third, and then a fourth, and fifth. None of them were available. I then called my sponsor again -- and he answered.
I've had other times when I've had to call several people in order to reach someone.
The first steps toward recovery can be the hardest.
Hang in there Thunder. One step, one task, one item at a time. Focus on the very next thing in front of you. Perhaps that is you wanting to have a good Sunday, overcome the anxiety, uneasiness, etc. Do that. One minute at a time. Focus on the next 60 seconds.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Hey just remember it's okay to be angry just work through it and repeat your steps. You're not crazy and you know it don't worry days get better just keep working the steps
don't worry days get better just keep working the steps