The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is a great one - it's about denial. For many of us, when we find recovery, we are amazed how many signs were right in front of us, yet we acted as if there was not a problem. Some deny the alcoholic has a drinking issue, others are willing to blame the drinker for all issues - denying our own participation.
As the fog clears, many of us ask Why? What we come to accept in recovery is that no one human power is strong enough to battle this disease. Until we seek help and start recovery, we often invest ways to survive the constant chaos, broken promises, lost hopes and embarrassments. An easy way to cope is to deny the unpleasant or terrifying reality we are living in.
Our program teaches us more productive ways to cope - which also don't cost so much in the loss of self. With the support of fellowship, and with tools and principles that guide us, we become able to better face what is really going on. For most, we go well beyond survival and begin to live again.
Today's Reminder --- At all times, I have done the best I was able to do. If my only way to cope with a difficult situation was to deny it, I can look back with compassion to that person who saw no better option at the time. I can forgive myself and count my blessings for having come so far since then.
Today's Quote from Katherine Mansfield - "Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; ;it's only good for wallowing in."
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In my reality, denial was as large as the river Nile! Because of my own experience with recovery, I truly thought that I could help, fix, change or cure those around me and when they said they were 'better', my denial sat there in my mind and nodded in agreement...
Until it no longer worked and I had a snapshot of reality combined with a side of emotional exhaustion which resulted in a near complete break-down. The disease is us is as damaging, if not more so than the drinker simply because we are spending all of our time trying to 'fit the square peg into the round hole and wondering why it's not working.'
I had huge denial in my part and really did believe that if only we could rid the home, family, people of substances, it would be "leave it to Beaver" style living. When we discuss how the disease affects all aspects of a person, that includes those who love them. I can say that the tools of the program helped me to move forward and heal and not go through extreme remorse and shame. A loving sponsor kept reminded me that what I knew then is what I used then and what I now now is what I use now. Living with remorse, shame or a continuous desire to re-write history is just another form of insanity which I no longer desire to live with.
So grateful for the program, the people who came before me, the tools, steps, etc. - I do feel most days that I came out of the darkness and into the light. I also know really believe that when I hold onto negativity in any form, it blocks me from the sunlight of the spirit and limits my spiritual journey.
I hope everyone made this day as good as they could. I have a brother in TX with all the weather and we've been in touch for most of the day. I've offered him a safe place if they need to come North and sent tons of prayers for all affected. Please stay safe and be safe if you're in that part of our world.
(((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I also openly (again) expressed my gratitude to all who were there at my morning home group and to those that came before me in this process called recovery from addiction to the mind and mood altering chemical; alcohol. I cannot fake the gratitude. It is too strong and powerful within my spirit and I know what recovery is and feels like.
Early memories of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now serve to expand my awe and my gratitude to my HP and all of the tools HP put before me while having patience and hope and belief that I would "get it" and then "practice it" as I got it. I did and I did. In the earliest 5 years I struggled a lot...getting snippets of the miracle enough to keep me in the rooms until I got snippets more and then at times getting the explosions of this what I called "Rocket Science" of sobriety. I remember my sponsor walking every inch with me, telling me "find the winners and do what they do"...duplicate the winners and while at times I was fearful that they would discover what I was doing and tell me not to come back, that did never happen. They offered me more to duplicate and I got what they had. OH SO AWESOME!! I COULD JUST EXPLODE WITH EXHILERATION!!... Ever hear your sponsor tell you after you explained a positive change, "There you got it now"..."lets get the next one"? That encouragement use to mesmerize me and I would force myself to remember what just happened. Crazy Stuff...we laugh till we cried and cried for sheer gratification. We also danced and I would promise out loud, "I am never going back" and then I remembered, "Don't ever tempt the disease of alcoholism and addiction because, ....."We admitted we were powerless and have the miracle of a daily reprieve only".
My home group is so strong and supportive I am being blessed. Thank you God for your unconditional love and acceptance. I will pass it on. (((hugs)))
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on today's reading IAH and Jerry. I can so identify, I too was so lost in DENIAL and did not even know it as It was my go to tool.. How grateful I am to alanon for allowing me to grow at my own pace and for providing me with such powerful constructive tools to live by . I too am eternally grateful
Thanks for your service and have a lovely night. IAH
