The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been to a meeting before, but I think I'm overdue for one. I grew up literally surrounded by alcoholics. My Biological Father's side of the family. My parents divorced when I was 6 (in large part because of substance abuse). I would spend every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer (as well as every other holiday) with my Father who for a good part of the time I was seeing him, lived with my grandmother. Both were/are alcoholics and I was exposed to a lot. My paternal grandfather was an abusive drug dealing alcoholic ex con who I only met twice before he died. My father has two brothers. Both alcoholics as well. One uncle I am still in tough with as he is long sober and has been of some support and help through this process. If this wasn't enough exposure my dad was sober for about a year or so and used to take me to meetings, and I would have to sit and hear everything hat happened there. I stopped seeing my father for a number of reasons, his drinking was not the biggest factor he has a lot of other problems. But I always coped after that by telling myself I was doing the right thing, he made terrible choices and tried to just tough it out. Anyways, my father eventually was in jail then narc anon where he met his current wife, and they had an unexpected child. There are so many problems in that house right now. Unfortunately I allowed myself to get sucked in. When I found out I had a baby sister I was 18. I found out on Facebook and in a crisis of conscience I reached out to my father and establishe dcontact. I had to end that about 8 months later, but recently his wife reached out to me because my father is drinking again and she thinks he is abusing my sister. I feel an incredible sense of responsibility to her. I feel like I should protect her because that's what I always hear you do for your siblings but I can't do anything. The environment is so toxic and I always get pulled down. Because of my recent contact with my uncle and my fathers wife I am now effe disowned by my father, and grandmother. I know logically this isn't my responsibility. I'm 24 and still figuring things out. And as if this weren't enough a dear friend flr whom I am going to be a bridesmai, who calls me her little sister, and who is a Dr and roll model entered and exited rehab for alcohol abuse as well. And it's just tipped me over. . This latest incident with my sister has caused flashbacks, insomnia, and extreme anxiety. As well as some out of character behavior. I don't know if I'm supposed to put a question on here, but I feel like my emotions won't align with what I know to be the truth, and it's so hard.
Also a side, I myself am not an alcoholic, but I was told growing up that I would be because of my family. I drink rarely and socially, but my one uncle who is sober and I am in contact with seems very ashamed of the fact that there are pictures of me at bars and parties, and althoufh I haven't been around them in years, my grandmother says I'm an alcoholic and my uncle is very disapproving of this "behavior" but since I keep a steady job, am healthy, and am a good influence on my cousins he doesn't say much. But it's hard feeling like a constant disappointment. Especially when I feel i broke a cycle. Has anyone else dealt with alcoholic family members judging you for drinking in any form? Please I could use some guidance, kind words, or any other thing that can be offered over the internet.
Hugs, (((Rockburn))), welcome to MIP. I can empathize... My 20 years younger sister, father's child from his 2nd marriage, is also living surrounded by alcoholism. I try to be there for her in what ways I can. One of the best things for you as well as for your sister you can do is to strive for being a healthier person. This was impossible for me to do alone, and this is what Alanon has offered me. The healthier I am, the healthier decisions I can make. I'm still working on many things in myself, but I already am able to be a better sister than I ever was before, when I was so sick in my own misery and codependency I mostly just had no energy to really be there for her. I do encourage you to attend Alanon meetings, these are people who understand, because many have been through similar experiences... I suggest getting "How Alanon works" or some other Alanon literature as well. Keep coming back, sharing helps us heal :)
Welcome Rockburn Living with the disease of alcoholism, we too become infected by the attitudes and negativity all around We develop negative coping tools to survive the insanity and need a program of recovery of our own. Alanon is that program
Face fo face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is in the directory. Here I learned to keep the focus on myself, live one day at a time, be gentle with myself(and others) andd slowly I found my self esteem and self worth grow and I thrived. Please do keep coming back there is hope. (I too am surrounded by the disease so you are not alone )
I too send out welcomes to you Rockburn - glad you found us and glad that you shared. There is definitely a hereditary element of this disease, and it runs wildly through my family as well. It's a progressive disease and is considered a family disease as almost everyone is affected, directly or indirectly.
I too would encourage you to attend some meetings and see if the recovery program/process can set you free. For me with my situation, it's been the only answer after many different failed efforts to 'change me or them'....
I am also surrounded by it and it can be very overwhelming. Only in Al-Anon recovery did I gain tools to detach, set boundaries and put me first. Please keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome Rockburn-I live with one alcoholic, and that's tough enough. Your situation sounds overwhelming. I have learned some very important things in Alanon , such as alcoholism affects the entire family, and in essence, the family becomes sick too. I became very sick and by that I mean depressed, anxious, obsessed, lost self-esteem, and became very negative. I felt trapped with no options. I am now learning to take care of myself, that I can be happy no matter what others think and do, and I am having a much more balanced and content life. I'm not saying it's easy or quick, but after years of therapy, Alanon is helping me in a very special way. I encourage you to try Alanon, including face-to-face meetings and getting a sponsor. Help is here! Lyne
Hi Rockburn. I'm glad you reached out here. It sounds like you are ready for face to face meetings and I can't encourage you enough to go. Yes, I grew up with alcoholic family. Fortunately my mother and father were some of the few family members who weren't and it seems my sisters and i were lucky and didn't become addicted either.
But because of the family history I have experienced disapproval or judgement when I have chosen to imbibe. It bothered me for a bit but eventually I realized this was more about them, the family history and their fears of what would happen. Many of my cousins did end up alcoholics as well. But I'm not. I keep in mind though that this does run in families and that my kids are at risk. So I try to set better examples and speak more honestly about it with them.
Your conundrum with your baby sister is more concerning. If you know of abuse I urge you to notify Child Protective Services. You should be able to do this anonymously. This is one of those sticky situations where having a network of people is crucial. You may meet people who have had similar experience and can give you better suggestions.
