The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm having an issue that is "eating " at me. Home is good and many things are on the right path otherwise, but I am projecting in the worst kind of way right now. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated....though advice is not usually an aspect of Al-Anon.
Anyway, I can not address this issue at a meeting because it has sensitive information not appropriate to local (or even in-state) discussion. I can't even really explain it all here.
The bottom line is that I have a really nasty case of PTSD which plagues me often. Even after many years, I still have nightmares and a great deal of stress over this situation. I am no longer personally in a position to face that situation again, so I have actually been much better. I am still and have been for years seeing a psychiatrist for this issue. It caused intense trauma.
Moving on to the issue of today....RAH had a similar type of "job" but has been out of the specific environment for a few years now. He is now sober (28 months) and has to re-enter that environment (causing a housing change as part of the process). I support him fully, but am having serious stress over projection of my fears. I want to scream NO at the top of my lungs, but I cannot and will not burden another person with my personal demons in this matter.
Realistically I know the situation is not the same as before. I am having fears that the stress might trigger relapse in him (because the stress is overwhelming). I also fear my reaction of living in virtually two places and having to live in a "protected environment" part of the time, yet keeping my home here where my child is finishing HS & her first two years of college at the same time this May. She will need me and he will need me. Of that I am certain and I am happy to be both wife and mother. I love them both dearly (we are all a blood family). I am medically disabled now and no longer work out of the home.
I need to find a way to stop projecting my fears on to the future. I need to give RAH the support I promised as well as to support my child. Mostly, I need something to allow me to relax (other than medication) which could help me to stop my tunnel vision.
I know I am powerless. Of that I am certain. I could have denied support, but why should he suffer for my fears, that is too selfish for even me. I also know my child is quite capable of staying home alone safely, but I don't want her thrust into the world earlier than she is ready. I need balance and I need internal security to fight this PTSD. I no longer have a sponsor (as my Dr feels it to be dangerous in my Situation) to go through traumas without professional assistance (since many were quite painful). He is concerned I will not be able to handle the situation without properly trained persons helping me.
I realize I seem frantic, because I feel it. I had literally no time to process this change. The decision was a last minute thing (Thursday evening) and released to the public on Friday morning. The physical change is effective Monday. The weekend is all I have to grasp this and I will do my very best not to be negative or unsupportive to those so important to me. I have a couple. Of weeks before we have to formally "move", but again, I am not destroying my home for this and will keep both places. At least I will only have a 2-2 1/2 hr drive each way, if I am needed. He, on the other hand must leave Sunday and will reside in a hotel until things are ready. I can go with him, but our beloved animals must stay home until the house is ready.
Thank you for letting me "get it out" without hurting anyone with my Daemons and fears. Again, comments appreciated.
I think the solution is in your higher power, what ever that may be for you. Whenever I'm feeling fear and I'm projecting into the future and the past and reliving memories and feeling the pain all over again then I get this feeling these days like I have not brought my higher power into my problems and issues, I'm running the show again and I've put myself as director producer mind reader and in all that I have squeezed out a power greater than me. I was reading the daily readers on step 2 recently and I read that there is a higher law that regulates events. I think it gives such comfort to let go and trust that whatever happens will be for the greater good and its not for us to control it and worry about it. The reading if your interested is on pg 168 in the ODAT.
(((Hugs,))) and I am sorry you are going through this stress. That's quite a lot to have on your plate at one time.
I've actually found both sponsorship and professional help very helpful in dealing with current and past traumas, when I felt overwhelmed. I had to step back a bit from my focus on everyone else, and invest in myself.
ln my personal Al-Anon view, the right professionals are part of my Higher Power ... they have power to help me in ways I cannot do myself. I've had Family Therapists that used the EMDR technique, which did help me quite a bit.
All the best to you ... one day, one minute at a time.
Doingmybest - sending you tons of hugs, prayers and support for all of you....I sat in a meeting just this morning and we were talking about how do we center when life is moving fast and our brains want to project. Of course, many talked about our slogans and our literature and prayer/meditation, etc.
I had to freely admit that still, even with a bit of recovery and a huge belief in a power greater than I, when 'life' changes, a part of me immediately goes into the panic cycle. I am the adult in a child's body who, when someone says to me, "Can I talk to you for a moment?" ----- I feel like that 5 year-old from 50 years ago who is being summoned to the principal's office at elementary school.
I would LOVE to be able to share in meetings that my first thought/response/reaction to 'life' is kumbaya like - that would be a lie..... As a double winner, what I know is that I wake up each and every morning with untreated affects of alcoholism. I do best to stay centered by having a custom routine that works for me. It's not expansive or extremely time-consuming - it's just consistent. I do start with prayer/meditation and then use our literature - typically the daily readers. I prayer each morning to stay sober, serene, sane and of service. I believe it's the 4th one, service that grounds me the most.
I put me first for daily service and then those I love. I allow breaks in my day to nap, pray, meditate, sing, walk, other. I am my best person when I have structure and routine. I know I need good rest, or there is a chance I will become more reactive. I know that I need down time or there is a chance I will want to become postal. I know I have a short fuse and need to be vigilant that I am resting, eating, exercising and sleeping.
I know that when others ask me for help, my brain hears 'now' or 'today'....I've learned Yes, No and When do you need it by or better responses than my own mind. I know that I really, really need to trust my HP and this program instead of my own first and often second thought as my mind has been impacted by a powerful disease. I know that even when I want to be superwoman, it's truly just not in the cards, and I am happy and have accepted - perfectly to just be imperfect me...
I know what I know about me from using this program...You too work a good program, so my best suggestion is to spend some quality time and consider what's going on today, what's coming on the horizon and how you can best serve your needs and be successful - just for today and one day at a time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hugs, ((((((Doingmybest)))))). I'm sorry you are experiencing such stress and fear... For me, what has worked best to deal with anxiety is to focus on me, to consciously do what I can to go away from thoughts of what someone else might do, say or think, then I also quit projecting... To be fair, I'm still quite new to Alanon, but this has really worked, especially at times when some of my usual stress symptoms start to appear (numbness, tingling in arms, fingers is a dead giveaway for me), when a thought about what x is doing/thinking comes, I push it away, and then the next thought that centers around x, and then the next... After some times of this, the thoughts become much more "unwilling" to bother me, for a while, at least. Take what you like and leave the rest. My warmest thoughts go out to you, and my prayers...
Thank you my friends. Time is a very big "helper" because time heals and when we slow down...for even a day, we can see things clearer. I will not profess that I am completely certain about the future...far from it indeed, but it is better. That much I am sure of. I am at least in a state of peace for the moment. My jealous insanity has not spike (and I am immensely grateful for that). I am home now with my teen and hubby is in a hotel, for now. We can have no answers until they come. When I start to think or plan too much, I kind of freak out a bit, but when I concentrate on now, I am good. It feels much like "normal" as I sit. Here...so long as I don't try to think ahead.
I would like more answers, but then again we know all (most) Al-Anon people have a tendency to want to see the future. So, there is still more work for me to do.
I believe my prayers for tonight will include prayers for patience and for calm, without prayers for anything selfish. I will so try to behave well and not intrude where I am not appropriate to be. Ugh, though...he will be utterly and completely unavailable to me by text and cell during any hours he is working and there will be someone else reading every email! I will have to just bide my time and wait!!! I am such a poor person when it comes to that. I guess this is a lesson in patience. I just wish it were not the week of my birthday...and just past our anniversary, where we were unable to spend any time together at all! I think I'll go pout now!!!...lol! At least I can pout and feel it myself without causing anyone else pain or aggravation. This pouting is just for me. And then, I think I will watch some really old movies and just chill out and enjoy. Sounds like a plan for now anyway.
Thanks again for letting me vent.
