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Hi there, I'm new to this. I have a sister, 39, who is an alcoholic. She is 7 days out of rehab and has already been drunk twice. She called me this morning at 7am and I had a feeling she had been drinking but didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. When she's drunk she repeats herself within minutes, she's loud, she relives her past. All of these things were happening. I called her on it to which she denied it. She was angry, mean. She told me that she was not drinking and how dare I. She hung up. I called her back and this time she was crying, and in the 2 minutes it took for her to answer the phone she was so drunk she could barely string a sentence together. She has had an issue for a very long time, in the last 3 years it's peaked but this last year it's been brutal. She wound up getting a DUI in December and blew 3 times over the legal limit with her 9 year old in the truck. She has since not been allowed joint custody and sees her son 1 time a week. We all thought that that was rock bottom for her as for many it would be. I knew she was drunk today when I asked when she was seeing her son again and her response was "I don't know, whateves! ". I told her that there was no way she was sober because she would have never said that about her son. She told me to F off and to never to speak to her again. We are close and always have been and I am always in her corner. I don't know how to allow her volitile behaviour in my life. She's mean and attacks personally when she's drunk. When she sobers up she's apologetic and sad and always says the right things. She lies to all of us all of the time and I can't trust her anymore. My mom has been supporting her emotionally and financially as she hasn't been able to hold a job down. She is currently working but she just started. I guess I'm looking for support and guidance outside of the situation.
Thanks for listening :)
Hi Jbella,
First I am very sorry. Denial, lying, repetition, swearing - all part of the alcoholic personality. Remember you didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. It is a disease. Many get sober with lots of hard work. AA meetings, counseling, rehab, getting a sponsor. I've even met people who stop cold turkey and never touch another drink. Alcoholism is very complex. We need to concentrate on ourselves and not get co-dependent on the one who drinks. Be kind to yourself and try not to get absorbed in the emotional turmoil. Reading the Al-Anon literature is very helpful, attending meetings or going on-line.
Scan some of the posts - you will find them so supportive. Many have been on this board for a long time and can help the new ones. I wish you the best. It's a tough journey to love someone and know that they are the ones who have to do all the work. Keep posting and sharing.
I'm having a hard time dealing with the feelings of sadness and it taking front stage in my life. I don't know how to create healthy boundaries and let her know that I'm here for her but I can't continue with the verbal assult. She's now texting me that she's slept it off and she wants to come see me, I live 2.5 hours away. She's apologetic, I don't remember what I said but I'm sorry, you're my best friend. Immediately I feel stress, anxious. I don't want her to feel like I've abandoned her but I can't talk to her when she's drinking. I just don't understand the disease. How you make that choice above everything and everyone. I try to communicate my feelings as best I can but I dont think she realizes what it does to me and my family and how she just brushes it off like she was drunk so it doesn't count? It does count, words hurt and to me a sober person I hold onto that and can't just wipe it away because she's an alcoholic. I suggested she should go to a meeting but I don't know if she hears anything I say.
Welcome to MIP, Jbella, so great that you are reaching out for help, this is the first step to getting better. I can identify with your feelings a lot, as can many here... The verbal abuse, blaming etc... All part of the disease of alcoholism. When I first came to Alanon I knew I needed to change something, but I didn't know even where to begin, and my anxiety had become so bad and constant I felt like a sick old crazy lady much of the time, which I'm not... I have gotten much better. I encourage you to look up and attend some Alanon meetings in your area, these provide a safe space to share and learn from others who have gone through or are going through many of the things you are struggling with... This board is also great :) Keep coming back and reaching out. Hugs, (((((Jbella)))))
Thanks Aline. I'll check into meetings here for sure. It's hard to talk about it with people who are so invested, like my mom and other sister. I try to separate my feelings but I'm definitely struggling with that. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around her, worried that if I say the wrong thing it'll be a trigger. I want to be a productive help to her and be able to deal with my own end of this. She calls me when she's upset about anything and blames the entire world for where she's at and can't see that she's responsible for her own life. I try to give her the best advice I can but I am not a professional and do not want to con tribute to what she's going through. It's a heavy burden. I appreciate your advice and this group seems to be wonderful. Thank you for listening...or reading :)
