The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is a focus on how fear can activate our character defects, and how very often fear is triggered by trying to control things over which we have no control. The writer mentions that leaving the present and worrying over the past or future is also a trigger for fear. One strategy he/she uses to stay in the present moment is to focus on whatever is being done in that moment such as: 'I am washing my hair, I am making my bed....'
I have been thinking about how powerful fear can feel and the things we do (try to control what is not in our control, fret, be sarcastic) in order to combat being afraid. The suggestion about focusing on present tasks resonates with me. I remember a little over a year ago when I lost my mom suddenly. I can't ever remember feeling the way I did at that time. I was having a lot of trouble sleeping and eating. It helped me to direct my thoughts to what was necessary for me to do at first (I am walking downstairs, I am brushing my teeth...' My life felt so turned around that reminding myself of these tasks and the fact that I was doing them was what was helpful at that time.
There's a quote at the bottom of this page from Alateen about fears about alcoholism keeping us thinking in circles. I remember those feelings of being out of control as well and remember how powerful the Serenity Prayer became for me at those times.
Today when I notice I am focusing on something other than the present, I will try to find if there's a fear associated with that. I am grateful for the present moment I am in right now!
Hi Mary being able to stay in the present moment, see and handle my fear was the greatest gift that this program gave me.
The 5th Step suggests that we look for the" Exact nature of our wrongs" and when i did , I discovered that "fear" was at the base of most of my negative destructive actions. I would never admit how fearful I was so I turned my fear into anger, resentment and self pity and fed all my negative defects. Finding a faith in a Power Greater than myself allowed me to admit my fears, ask for courage, embrace it and show up with trust in the Power greater than myself. i am grateful for this program
Fear. That's a big one for me. One of my major character defects. I have been afraid of so many things, I haven't been able to fully enjoy anything. I recognize the circular thinking as well, and yup, every time I am really afraid of something it is something that I have no control over.
Staying in the moment helps me to appreciate today for the day it is, and letting go of my need to control things, people, reactions, etc, also lets me let go of my fear.
I am grateful for AlAnon and the tools that help me do first things first, and keep my focus on today. I hope you have a wonderful day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
One of the books that is part of the alanon groups literture is called Hope for Today. I ordered mine online but you can often buy these right at face to face meetings. There is also 'One Day at a Time' and 'Courage to Change'-- all daily readers by calendar date, and organized by topic in the index as well. The steps and concepts of alanon are in these books also, which was helpful to me as a newcomer.
Thank you all for the shares and ESH above me. Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. I did not realize how deeply fear was 'in me' until I began recovery. Almost every thought, action, inaction I was a part of was driven by fear - of the past, of the past repeating itself, of the future, of ...
It was so exhausting and such a difficult place to live. I too believe the greatest gift of recovery is the ability to use the tools and recognize what I am feeling, determining if it's real, and then determining the best next step for me as a spiritual being....not as a wife, mother, daughter, etc. - but as a person wanting peace and serenity through right living.
Grateful for the gift of recovery and all of my MIP family! Make this Tuesday a great day folks!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your service, Mary, and all for your ESH on the topic. Before I found AlAnon, I would have described myself as 'fearless', feeling that I was willing to do and say what others would/could not.
Working the steps in AlAnon, particularly steps 4 and 5, helped me look deeper into my own thoughts and actions, to uncover the drivers that motivated me. To my surprise, I discovered fear was one of the big movers in many areas of my life, and incredibly detrimental.
I find that taking One Day at a Time, the Serenity Prayer, and Step One to be extremely helpful for me to reduce my stress, regain my serenity, and treat others, including my qualifier, with the respect and kindness they deserve. I am so grateful for the wisdom and guidance of the program
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
