The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading illuminates a problem that many of us affected by alcoholism have: speaking openly and directly (especially about our feelings). The writer describes a camping trip his/her father offered, and then cancellled. The adult child was completely disappointed but also unable to express these feelings except at a meeting. Eventually he/she speaks up and the father acknowledges the disappointment of the child and apologizes.
I am working through examples of the above in my one life right now. I am the youngest of six children, and our father has been dealing with extreme health issues and loss after loss of independence. What I have noticed is how difficult it has been for all of us to speak to one another directly, and certainly to him as well. It has felt to me that living with the effects of the disease has stifled us, made it very scary to speak our minds, and magnified whatever outcomes might result from speaking our minds.
One of the many sayings I have been working on since coming into the program is : 'say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean' . I love the simplicity of this statement and its reminder to simply speak directly. In my family, shrouding what we truly needed to say in a joke or sarcasm was one defense mechanism. Personally I would also not speak at all-- both extreme examples of not communicating clearly, in my opinion.
I hope today's reading resonated with you as it did me! Today I will work on speaking up--directly and with kindness!
Good Morning Mary Great reminder. As I reflected on my thoughts and feeling from childhood and early adulthood(prior to program) I discovered that I hide my feelings, afraid to be vulnerable because then someone would get the upper hand and hurt me. Enter program , I found that it was hard to let my guard down and explore my feelings of sadness, disappointments, and fear.
When I accepted that feelings were not facts, and that holding them in only hurt myself ,I was determined to learn how to express them in a healthy manner. Thanks to program, I found that owning my feelings and not blaming others was the first step to freedom from self pity and helped to restore my battered self esteem.
Thanks to examining my motives, sharing with a sponsor and at meetings,I am now comfortable in expressing my inner most thoughts in a constructive, self affirming manner. Thanks you alanon
This reading resonated with me, especially the inability to speak openly about emotions. I recently recognized that I tend to push all negative feelings away, or hold them down. They are not pleasant, so I do my best not to feel them. This is a fine tuned but harmful coping strategy of mine! I realized that in holding the emotions down or pushing them away, I don't avoid them, they just fester and become more powerful than they need to be.
I am thankful to AlAnon for the tools to allow myself to feel emotions, positive and negative, so I can communicate openly about them and let them pass.
Thank you for your service, Mary. I hope you have a wonderful day.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good morning all....Mary - thank you for your service and the daily. Thanks to all above me for your ESH. We have quite a bit of disease insanity rising up around here, so many opportunities to practice our program. What I am realizing is I have improved on saying what I mean and meaning what I say! That's a good thing....however, and here's my lesson of late - accepting how others receive or respond - I have much room for improvement.
My FOO tends to act as if there is nothing wrong and insanity is normal/expected. As I grow in recovery and am willing to protect my serenity, it can become overwhelming. There are many times where it is best to process with my sponsor or trusted program friends. I am always reminded that denial is huge in this disease and the serenity prayer does suggest we can let it go and step back.
I am better at feeling my feelings than before and accept them as what they are - just feelings. I am grateful for recovery and all that we share as the ESH continues to help me be an even better version of me.
Happy Tuesday to one and all - make it a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for this post Yanksfan - this is something I need to strengthen. I recently have reverted to feeling intimidated in having a voice. For me, speaking - saying what I mean and meaning what I say and not saying it mean - is tied into how well I'm working my boundaries. Practice, practice, practice...
