The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading discusses how the program helps us accept who we are as well as accepting who others are. We are reminded that the tools of our program help us recognize that we have value - simply because we breathe the breath of humanity. As we use the program tools, work with a sponsor and recover, we gain self-esteem and and find it easier to evaluate our behavior more realistically.
The reading discusses criticism and how it can help us to grow and change. However, how others see us does not determine our worth or legitimacy. The program support helps us find courage to learn about self. As we grow in recovery, we examine our values, likes, dislikes, dreams and choices and are better able to risk and accept the disapproval of others. I equally learn how to honor others when they are themselves, whether or not we like it.
Today's Reminder --- With the help of a loving sponsor and the support of my fellow Al-Anon members, I am learning to find my place in this world - a place where I can live with dignity and self-respect.
Today's Quote --- from Walt Whitman --- "I exist as I am, that is enough, if no other in the world be aware I sit content, and if each and all be aware, I sit content."
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I came to recovery broken, sad, mad and very fearful of both the past and the future. I had spent years of life looking for approval, worth and more from those around me, and it had not worked out well. I blamed and shamed many when they did not or could not meet my wants and needs. My distorted thinking believed that if only others would be as I thought they should, my life would be better and I would be happy.
Instead, those who came before me suggested I should look at me, get to know me and focus on what I could change. There was no mention of those around me, changing them or expecting them to change to suit me. Step One helped me see that my own being was affected deeply by the disease and that I was not only powerless but existing instead of living.
How I was and who I was certainly was not sane! My emotions, behaviors, actions and more were based on others and past events and I was stuck in persistent negativity and martyrdom. I really deep down believed that how I acted/reacted was right and righteous based on other people's treatment of me. What the program taught me is that what others think of me is not my business and I could learn to "live and let live" by taking what I like and leaving the rest.
Today, in spite of delivery from others, I do consider all feedback I get. I look for the content in spite of the delivery and see if there is a lesson for change. I am grateful the program tools us with the ability to separate the wheat vs. the chaff and to use what we can to be/do better.
I am perfectly happy being an imperfect person in an imperfect world. I no longer blame past events for current situations, and try to not use the past as the only input into what the future brings. I accept today that I have a higher power, and it's not me and I and all others can live a happy, joyous and free life if/when we decide to do so.
Happy Friday everyone! Grateful to have a day with nothing scheduled - playing a bit of catch-up around here. We have lovely cool weather - almost fall like....plan to rest and enjoy the beautiful day - hope you plan to do so too! (((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I strongly disliked criticism when I arrived at AlAnon. I was already doing the absolute best I could in my situation, and it wasn't working very well. Having people point out what I was not doing correctly wasn't very helpful at first - my ego couldn't take it, it was beaten down from life with an active alcoholic. In Al-Anon I found fellowship and support from people who were gentle with me, and who could communicate intentionally that they had tried the same thing I was trying, and they found that it didn't work. Then, they would tell me about things they did instead that did work. After a while, the lack of judgement that came with the stories allowed me to open up to a new way of thinking about things and a new way of doing things.
I love the concept you shared that "what others think of me is none of my business." What a freeing mindset!
More rain for us today, keeping the temperatures down a bit. It might be cool enough to walk the pups tonight, if it is not still raining! I hope you have a peaceful day.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning IAH Great page and reminder that, as alanon has always assured me :" I am enough".and that" being human " means that I am imperfect and that no amount of effort on my part will make me perfect.
Working the program and the Steps has helped me to identify all the negative beliefs that I embraced as my truths, let them go and permit the positive attributes that are within to surface.
I will be and am eternally grateful to alanon for providing me with the tools to live by healthy positive principles while I continued to show up and live my life with courage, serenity and a little added wisdom .
Thanks for your service.
I used to take criticism as an attack...now I use it as a mini step 10..I listen...I think about it...I check in with me...do a quickie step 10 and I either filter it out as BS and dismiss OR I see myself needing a change and I strive to that end....however how others see me does not determine my worth or my "right to be here".....listening to other's take on me, even tho I don't really "like" my inventory being worked, it is a kind of "feedback" and it behooves me to listen, think about it, even meditate on it before I decide that they are just being critical and it isn't about me but them, OR its a spot on statement to me re: my behavior, etc, an a prompt to change me if I want to move forward in my recovery
Thank you for the great reminders- and, for me, both your personal quotes (practicing pause and staying in the present) work well in conjunction. I'm experiencing growing pains - I was ridden with anxiety and fear and digging into self-righteousness, I thought I needed to protect my wounded heart instead of revealing it. Now it's exposed and I accept my imperfection and ask my HP for a healthy healing.
Thank you for today's message, IAH. I could have won an Olympic medal in people pleasing. I was so terrified of criticism and disapproval. My foo made it very clear what was acceptable and normal and VERY critical of those who veered from that normal. Therefore, I adopted those attitudes and was very critical and judgemental of others, too.
I think the need for others' approval decreases with age anyway, but practicing alanon tools is what has freed me the most. Living my own truth with the guidance of HP brings joy, even with chaos and insanity swirling around. I have been very diligent in catching myself from judging others, and especially from vocalizing it. A difficult habit to break, but I want to be the best version of me I can be.
Stormy here in western NY today, but sunny and pleasant as I write this, so I am grateful. I also have a relatively free day; again really grateful!!
Love that Ellen - "I could have won an Olympic medal in people pleasing." That made me chuckle out loud. We've had a truly lovely day here but have some rain moving back in and the chance of flash flooding tomorrow. I've got a little clean up to do at my rental before that starts in the AM.
I also agree that the need for approval from others has decreased with age. At least for me. I recall back when I worked, every Friday I told my staff this was the day to bring me issues because my give-a-sh** meter was completely pegged out...The same thing happened for me at 50 - there was just a huge change in how I allow people, places and things to affect me....my give-a-sh** meter is pegged out now for all waking hours.
I believe when we surround ourselves with healthy thinking, behaviors and people, it's much easier to be genuine and authentic. I too seemed to seek approval, joy and satisfaction beyond me for most of my life and it is freeing to practice a different path....and way less stressful!!
Thanks for all the shares MIP family! Love the ESH!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
