The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On vacation. AH was doing great staying sober then began to slip. Realized he had a sunburn last night and flew off the handle claiming I didn't put sunblock on him properly when asked because I'm so lazy. So gross. The kicker is I have the same sunburn on my back. Guess who put my sunblock on? Ha! Of course I didn't need a crazy excuse to storm off and go drinking so I chalked the sunburn up to...that's life like sane people do. I was SO tempted to go down the rabbit hole of why he is crazy and a total piece...for trying to ruin me and my daughter's time but I jumped on here instead. It brought me back to peace focusing on me and my daughter and we had a nice night. Of course he had to come home to hurdle blistering obscenities my way. I just put my daughter back to sleep (yes, horrible) then he was gone before we got up because who needs sleep when you can be on a bender? I was pleased with his departure. My daughter had questions. I try to be as honest and straightforward as appropriate sharing alanon themes so she doesn't wear responsibility or feel the weight of a secret to keep. We just say it's his thing not ours. We had a great day. He meets up with us and I was happy to see him. Mistake...second day drunk. I let him know it's not appropriate for him to be present (wasted at family resort...pool with a bunch of children). I know this is control but I won't stand for trashiness period. I say maybe he can go get some sleep. I was in such a great place of loving detachment but he snarls at me and threatens me with divorce, withholding money (don't care, don't need) and then vanishes. I in the same positive place but it's harder. Why so nasty?? Is it so hard to just take the que and slip away? I know alcoholic mind doesn't think straight, anger isn't for me but for getting in the way of the disease, but it is just such a drag. Staying focused on fun for me and my girl. SO glad I have support here.
hey Sun, I like your name...YES, the sunmustshine in your life and YOU can be your own sun and let him do what hes gotta do....I hope you are going to meetings and working the program with a sponsor and diving into the steps.....why is he nasty??? because he is...thats all...some drunks are funny, some are nasty, some are mellow, i think it is the basic, "what they are---where they are at" that dictates their disposition.....glad you are doing your own thing and having some fun with daughter...I like your attitude...You're gonna make it!!! You have guts!!! and when you find a meet and start making friends and alliances with healthy people, you can put some more distance between the disease and yourself....that is his karma to work out..never yours to be responsible for, or to control or never can you cure him....this is his path..this is where he is at...its his life lesson.....you got your own and I wish you BIG time serenity and peace and fun and a good summer with your kid.......and YES...you have support here
Good programme work stopping yourself from the rabbit hole and coming here instead, well done!
Not tolerating trashiness is appropriate in my view, though it is an unfortunate part of being with a loved one affected by the disease of alcoholism. They are uncontrollable for the most part, because the compulsion to drink is something which an alcoholic is powerless over, which they may or may not ever come to truly accept. I know I find this aspect of risk within alcoholics to be incredibly stressful and tiring.
Yet it is part and parcel of the alcoholic dynamic.
Keep coming back.
Your husband is somewhere else and your alcoholic is present and tearing up your and your daughter's life. God life was insane when the disease was active and raging and I was as crazy as she was and the rest of them. Nastiness is threaded thru out the disease and the victims don't deserve it. Good that you came back to MIP and thanks for your knowledgeable share. ((((hugs))))
I have also been on these vacations before. Good for you for not letting it ruin the entire vacation! That is a tribute to being strong in your recovery.
Love seeing the program in action! I too applaud your desire to 'vacate' and not allow the disease to dictate the joy of the day! Keep working it sunmustshine - it looks great on you!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
wow that's great program work. I can relate to those vacations as well. My AH is not in recovery but the other day he was talking about some issue he was having and he said (jokingly but not jokingly) "Do you know what the most frustrating thing is about this situation? I can't blame my problem on someone else". I found that interesting and quite insightful. I've been in many situations where my AH decided to blame me for something that wasn't my responsibility and before Al Anon I accepted the blame which was so harmful to me. Good for you or taking care of you and your daughter. I like how you spoke your mind. Keep working your program you're doing great and thanks for the share.
