I felt so alone in the problems when I was in that situation myself.  She brought her wreckage everywhere she was and left everyone else to try to find and secure sanity for themselves.  The alcoholic and addict are altered by the chemical.  I had to remind myself of that constantly and not get my expectations all up in a fluff.  After awhile I could no longer do it and learned it was okay to let go and let God and start working my own life plan which is better work.  

(((((Lyne)))))  what do you think it feels like to be loved by you?  I was asked that question once by my therapist and it just made me weep.  

Lyne,

When I am lied to by my A, I immediately think, "you know I am not a stupid person, right?"  No, my AH knows I am not, but self defense, denial and belief in his own lies is so strong at times, it is just automatic.  It takes a lot of SELF control on my part to not confront it every single time; I have to stop and think, "how important is it?" Then I determine if I want to challenge it or let it be.

Ellen

lying is hard to get "past" it is a willful thing and its hard to accept, even with program, but accept we must if we want to stay with someone who is active A and a proven liar.......I , after all I had to go through, am not into "high maintenance" relationships where i gotta practice detachment more then I breath and accepting behavior I cannot relate to....My whole life, growing up was a lie....I had to Lie about her "problem"  "Oh its a menopausal thing"  boy she went through menopause from age 30 to age 56...longest in history, a medical mystery...and the raging....I don't know if fast forwarding will change anything with the qualifier, but it can with us here in al-anon....how refreshing it was for me to be ABLE to be honest, open, sincere, up front in my dealings with not only others but ME....I do wish you the best....Some stay with their qualifier, some, like me, get tired of it and we leave....it is up to the individual, sounds to me like you are a  very good and mellow person to be able to work through this as you work your program...I applaud your loyalty, but I also hope that you are loyal to you as well...YOU need you too.....and i agree with the title of your post....Lying is so destructive...I can't be around liars...the trust is not there and trust is critical to me...I had too much "training" in how NOT to trust because noone in my FOO was trustworthy so TRUST is Vital to me in a relationship of any kind..If I cannot trust?? I move on because I just lose interest....my adopted daughter, i can't trust her as far as i can throw her and that is why I am so detached and even separated from her...I can't trust her promises, her saying she will pick me up for the doctor when she stands me up , last minute,forcing me to have to ask my BOSS to take me????  I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.....I suppose it CAN work, if one just discounts everything they say and watch the actions...i guess it can work, but a lot of detachment would have to be in order.....I don't have the energy and the patience to put up with lying and other unhealthy behaviors that impact my safety and trust in the individual involved....communication is key to me, and it has to be open,honest, sincere and real or I can't participate.....IN SUPPORT....