The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading highlights an issue many of us have had as a result of having lived with alcoholism in our lives: the tendency to withdraw inward, have difficulty saying what we need to, having difficulty sharing (especially at the first meetings we attended).
I apologize to those who have read this from me before but this reading brings back how difficult it was for me to even sit through my first meetings without crying. There was no way I was sharing, I did not feel capable of that at all. What did happen though, every time I went to a meeting, was that I would hear someone say something that resonated with me. I felt the proof of why I belonged in the program every time I went to a meeting, even if it was one I had never been to, in a different town, etc.
The 'thought for the day' mentions that sharing is a way to gain self-worth and get a sense of who we are. I do believe that-- in order to share we have to take a moment to organize what we want to say and how it relates to what is happening in our lives. My WONDERFUL sponsor once told me that participation in the program can sometimes mean simply sitting at a meeting as witness for others. That helped me a lot in that I knew I did not have to speak unless I was ready to do so.
If anyone is reading this today has avoided meetings or not wanted to return to a meeting because of the fear of having to speak, I hope knowing that many of us have felt exactly the same way is a help.
Good morning, Mary. Thank you for the post and your reflection
I've always been at very small meetings. 2, 3, 5, the largest meeting I have been to was 14. And still, I didn't feel pressure to share until I was ready. One thing that is true for me is that I often don't really know what thoughts or beliefs are underlying my feelings until I write about them. In meetings, I tend to think about what I want to say in advance, and organize my thoughts, but often, something unexpected will pop out of my mouth that gives me insight into how I am feeling or behaving. In this way, sharing offers me the opportunity to delve more deeply into what I am thinking or even struggling with, and gives me some new insights into myself.
I hope you have a wonderful day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Mary Thank you for your inspiring reminder of the importance of meetings and sharing
When I first entered Al-Anon I too had difficulty speaking for the first year. I had made myself invisible for so long , that sharing my thoughts and feelings felt like such an invasion of privacy and made me too vulnerable to negative judgment and gossip .
In spite of all hat I did feel the embrace of the program, so I kept coming back and attempted to be present with an open mind. This did help me to find the courage to keep showing up then(miracle of miracles ) to share my inner most fears and desires.
I had been invisible, (to myself) for so long that going inward and discovering my inner voice and sharing with others, as you have pointed out, provided me with a great gift - The rebuilding of my self-esteem and self-worth.
In my Al-Anon meeting last night, after we recited the serenity prayer, the entire group spontaneously sang Happy Birthday to me. It felt so powerful and brought tears to my eyes.
Hi Mary-It is good at times to see where we were and where we are now. I tackled meetings differently. Maybe because I am older, I felt I did not, do not, have anymore time to waste. I have shared at every meeting I have attended for the last 4 years. And was I terrified in the beginning? Absolutely!
My withdrawal mode has been more with family and friends, not wanting to talk about my pain, and therefore avoiding them. I'm not doing that anymore. I guess I was able to decide to risk at meetings, and then a positive outcome has been extending that beyond meetings.
I am still with my A, however she has 8-9 weeks sober and is getting limited but some help. I feel determined to make this my last relationship, however it turns out. I feel this is a shortcoming of mine and perhaps more time in Alanon will help. But I recognize the difficulty to be vulnerable to others, whether it's at a meeting or not. All the negative messages (who cares what I think, I will embarrass myself, I will be laughed at, etc. ) are still hanging around, but definately have a smaller voice now. Thanks for your service, Lyne
Thank you Mary for the daily and your service. Thanks to all above me for your ESH. As one who came into Al-Anon through the side door, I was willing to share yet confused by the meeting format. In the other side of the program, most meetings I have gone to ask if someone is having an issue and we draw a topic from their share. Often we talk directly to the member and we do give advice as well as ESH trying as best we can to tie it into the steps, the literature, etc.
This side is vastly different. Here, we are aligned well with the Al-Anon suggestions, and work hard to NOT TALK at another, avoid ADVICE and the topic is known in advance of the meeting. I am a rule-follower today as I was a rebel before, so I didn't know me well enough to talk about me and we never discuss who brought us to recovery. I had to listen and find my open heart and learn how I feel before I shared. I struggled to understand and accept that I needed this recovery for me and my 'disease' was not the result of anothers' actions, words, attitudes, etc. DENIAL was my middle name.
There are still times when I struggle to focus - if I'm affected by a life issue and the topic is unrelated, I typically ask HP for guidance - share/not share. I know today it's OK either way and I don't have to speak if I don't feel compelled to do so. I am grateful for those who came before me and carried me until I was sane enough to carry myself.
It's a busy day for me - went golfing this morning, helped a program friend move this afternoon and have a going away party this evening. Make it lovely MIP family - sending tons of positive thoughts to all....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
