The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm in a bit of a crisis (self-inflicted) and my sponsor is on vacation. I don't want to bother her. I have a medically complex 8 yo grandson and he is currently in the hospital. I read a FB post on my daughter's page about another child having similar problems and it turned out that the issue was cancer. That has put me in a tizzy. I know I'm 'projecting the wreckage of the future' but I'm having so much trouble accepting my grandson and daughter's situation. We just go from one crisis to the next. BTW, my father was an alcoholic as was my sister and brother. However, my brother is 21 years sober and is a GREAT help. Any help offered will be greatly appreciated. I know I must surrender to God's will and I do continually ask for help in dealing with this situation. My heart hurts for both my daughter, son-in-law and grandson.
(((usf1970))) - welcome to MIP....so glad you found us and so glad that you shared. I am so sorry that you have a loved one in the hospital and that you are waiting on a diagnosis...I believe waiting is a hard, hard part of life for those of us affected by the disease of alcoholism.
When I am full of fear, I am reminded of a very simple quote my aunt used to say ---- If you are worrying, you aren't praying. I found that to be quite dismissive when I was younger and yet, as I have grown up and worked on my recovery, it is almost beyond profound. When I am in meditation/prayer mode, I am far less likely to allow the fear to consume me.
I am glad you found us and hope you keep coming back. I'm sending you tons of (((hugs))), positive thoughts and prayers for the best outcome possible. There is hope and help in fellowship!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome usf...you know you are projecting wreckage, doom and gloom, etc. You know it. So accept it and let it go. You can do it. Focus on the very next thing -- your grandson being in the hospital, and that's it. He's in the right place -- getting care, treatment, diagnosis, etc. Don't look at them and one crisis to the next. Stay present. Focus on this, the very next thing in front of you.
When this is over, you can address the crisis to crisis and what you need to do for you, if anything, about that. Different issue. Right now, what's in front of you. Yes, acceptance -- and as you said, this is self-inflicted. We say FEAR is false evidence appearing real...and we paint the picture of doom and gloom. This is going to be like that, what if, what do I do when, if, and so on.
I like...STOP...Breathe...Focus...and slow down.
Keep coming back.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Dear usf-I am truly sorry to hear of your difficult situation. A child being sick may be the hardest thing in life. I hope you will keep us posted on the results, which I hope with be negative for any serious illnesses. My little dog has cancer and is undergoing chemo and that is a major challenge and sadness in my life. I can't imagine it being a child. I tend to use the Serenity Prayer when I am out of coping tools. Only HP can help at a time like this. When I pray each day I ask HP to bless my dog with health. What else can I do? I wish you the best results and long, healthy life for your grandson, Lyne
"Not my will and your will be done" for me are the words of acceptance spoken not with the mouth and with the heart. It took me a long time and lots of practice in recovery to bring that to reality and not a tentative wish. It took me lots of work accepting that not all consequences would be the miracles as some were and are. I love the miracles and the miracle stories and yesterday read one on the net about "kangaroo healing" where an infant pronounced dead by the maternity doctors came to life at the breast of it's mother and father 2 hours after it was pronounced dead.
My sponsor admits that what he fears most is the feeling of hopelessness and I agree that would bring terror to my spirit and then yet if I am able to arrive with acceptance the entire outcome is altered. What I fear and myself are reduced to peace of mind and serenity and my breathing and heartbeat return to peace and calmness.
usf I will do this with you. I don't know the child or the child's name and I don't think that matters as HP does and knowing yours can hold you all at the same time with acceptance. Keep coming back.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. ((((Hugs))))
I love this......if I'm worrying, I'm not praying. I'm really trying - I probably need to say the serenity prayer more often. I'll call my sponsor tomorrow but in the meantime, I greatly appreciate your words of love and encouragement.
Thank you Bo.....yes, my brother tells me all the time about FEAR........I know I'm projecting the wreckage of the future. I'll try to just accept that right now my dear grandson is in the hospital getting the necessary treatment. I can't control tomorrow so I need to stay in the present. Again, thank you for your thoughts and suggestions.
Thank you Lyne, I'm sorry about your dog......I know that is almost as hard as dealing with a child who is sick. My grandson has had his share of problems starting with a heart transplant at the age of 9 months. His anti-rejection medication may, in all likelihood be causing this current crisis. I know God is watching over him. I am just grappling with the tenuousness of his situation. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
Yes.....hopelessness and helplessness. As the adult child of an alcoholic, I'm a control freak. I want to FIX.THINGS. I know I need to set boundaries b/c I don't know where I end and my daughter begins. I just feel so desolate that she's having to go through all of this and my poor grandson..............it's just so hard. Thank you for your kind words. I'll keep praying and I will keep coming back. Thank you again.
usf - may today be a lovely day for you and for the record, there are days where I say the Serenity Prayer more times than I can count....for the record, I also use the abbreviated version - Bless Them, Change Me!!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Oh I do the same thing...project wreckage, doom and disaster....and Bo is right..I have to accept and let go...step back...what can I do right now??? your grandson is in hospital..hes being cared for...nothing you can do but to offer up your love and support.....but I try to deal with ONE THING AT A TIME......then on to the next.....I have been in a bad patch myself...one thing after another so I make a LIST , what do i need to do today???? what immediate thing do I need to do, and on to the next...that way I can compartmentalize the stuff and I don't feel so overwhelmed...I can and am (and old habits fight to stay) but I am practicing being in the EXACT moment...even narrating to myself what I am doing..what do I see?? smell?? feel?? hear??? ...and I love what Bo says about STOP....BREATH.....FOCUS on the NOW moment.....SLOW DOWNl----EASY DOES IT.......gee, I need to print his share to you....I do the same thing you are doing and it is non productive pain......hang in there and my love and healing energy for your grandson.....bless all of you.....
Love this: God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
At my first Al-anon meeting I heard 'we came to believe we were powerless over alcohol or people, places and things....'. That has helped me a lot. Thanks for this slogan as well.
Thank you. He was released from the hospital today so my daughter can go back to work. Still no official diagnosis - we're just treating the symptoms. I'll try to focus on one moment at a time. A list may work. Thanks again.
(((usf))) - so glad that he's been released. Continued prayers for you all - and for me, chunking my life into one day at a time really helps me stay more focused.....keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Very glad to hear your grandson has been released...which is a wonderful thing...progress, moving forward, positive steps.
You looked to your program, you got the caring and support you wanted/needed, and YOU got through it. Keep doing it. You are doing a great job for a newcomer.
Keep coming back.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
