The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a lovely month with my mother. It was tiring and I had to breathe deeply at times, but we got through it and I'm glad.
Time is not as long as I used to imagine it was. I'm glad I didn't throw the baby out with the bathwater. The kids had a great time, the girls love to talk and eat and there's just some things grandma does that mum doesn't, like let them help bake and add sugar to their Milo lol. My son also had a ball because grandma not only cooks, she plays like a boy which he adores and I find perplexing. I couldn't have done it without alanon, not without lying in some way.
Yes, I've found the need to either people please or bash with a verbal hammer have both swung closer to a middle people pleasing was a huge flaw of my personality especially with loved ones. Then I'd end up resentful and snappy and tired. Its much simpler to be honest and tolerant. We are all so very human.
Hey a4l - lovely share --- glad you all enjoyed the visit! My parents are here right now - they left AZ on Friday, drove to TX and stayed at my brother's for a few days and then drove to my place in KS...they'll stay for 5-6 days, then depart to my other brother's, also in KS...
I enjoy their visits for the most part and they are pleasant guests! Of course, they're 82-83 and probably should not be roap-tripping across the company but ... oh well.
The program has truly helped me love them as they are and relax way more than before - striving for peace/progress keeps me centered. and allows me to let go of perfection!
Make it a great day....coffee and good company is first on my agenda!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Laughing at Jerry because I can so relate.....thanks to Al-anon, i now suck at lying!! Something I was real good at too.....Dang!! Al-anon screwed up a "used to be" very good talent of mine......
Hey a41--- I was forced to "please the big folks" I hated being used and abused so yea, resentments ran high, but at least it got me SOME attention so I did it...sold me out for some love, even if it was devient and sick.....later, i people pleased out of fear of being abandoned, not accepted...I was full of resentments because MY needs were never met...it was an ongoing cycle for me...till I broke that cycle....Now I take care of MY needs first....THEN share anything I got left with NON user others...Like I can say "NO" with ease now if it is right for me to do so.....I love to do and give, but I do/give AFTER I check my motives...if i smell anything other than just doing/giving out of sheer love, I step back...back off and re-assess.......
Thanks for sharing about your time with family. I hear so much gratitude, appreciation and acceptance for the differences of others. Yes, "time is not as long as it use to be." Amazing what a change in focus can do. And what a boring world it would be if we were all alike, predictable - in my humble opinion. "Keep an open mind" we say in our program. Wishing you more adventures with your mom and children of the positive kind. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
((a41)) thank you for sharing, I love what you that you said "it's much simpler to be honest and tolerant", it reminds me of establishing boundaries, which is something I'm always working on, for me it's important to communicate my boundaries in a honest and tolerant way. If I'm unable to accomplish this I find I resort back to people pleasing and at that point I can kiss my serenity goodbye. I believe we are of most service to others when we are honest and share about who we truly are. Good for you spending time with mom, I'm not there yet, but I have hope.
-- Edited by _bunny_ on Wednesday 19th of July 2017 11:31:09 AM
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
people pleasing was a huge flaw of my personality especially with loved ones. Then I'd end up resentful and snappy and tired. Its much simpler to be honest and tolerant. We are all so very human.