The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author lists our identity as something that is damaged as a result of alcoholism. In the process of fighting the effects of the disease with existing, less efficient tools, doubts and misconceptions about our own character can creep in and become part of how we see ourselves.
AlAnon helps us look at ourselves with a healthier perspective and the courage to question our assumptions, along with the support that enables us to act on what we discover.
Reminder: I will not let limiting thoughts go unchallenged. I will make way for my strengths and opportunities to learn more.
"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours." - Richard Bach
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It was after trying unsuccessfully to control someone else's drinking that AlAnon helped me accept my powerlessness. I also came to realize that my endeavors were just as unsuccessful in other areas of my life as I was using the same set of tools and assumptions with which I had addressed alcohol.
Each day AlAnon offers me a choice: look through the clear lens of the program to gain a better understanding and acceptance of who I truly am, or fumble around half blind with my old assumptions. Each day that I am willing to accept takes me closer to the person I can and want to be.
Grateful for the reminders, wisdom, and support
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Good morning, Paul. Thanks for this morning's topic!
Today's reading really rang true for me. After years of living with an active alcoholic who loved drinking and bars above all else, I started to feel unworthy of the love and respect that I thought was a part of marriage, but missing from mine. If the person who was closest to me thought it was ok to treat me with such disrespect, then surely, I deserved no better. I felt beat down emotionally, and it wasn't until I started to challenge the thoughts about my worthlessness that I was able to discover my real identity again.
Unfortunately, it is still red hot anger, that flares up first as a result of my challenge to negative thoughts and perceptions about myself. But thanks to Alanon tools, I am usually able to keep that anger to myself and my journal, and remember that my AW is doing what she does because of her addiction, much like pigeons doing what they do because they are pigeons.
I have learned that I am able to hit my "reset" button any time during the day when I need to dive into my Alanon literature and find a few more tools to help me have the kind of enjoyable day I would like to have.
I'm grateful for your service, and for the wisdom of the program
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Paul Thank you for posting your thoughts on today's informative reading. Before program. I would never have thought to question my attitudes and assumptions as I thought I was "always right" Entering the rooms and hearing others honestly look within and courageously discuss their negative coping tools helped me to "really see' my own mistaken attitudes and assumptions . once I saw them I was given the support to accept where I found myself and then with the help of a sponsor and the Steps i started to embrace new constructive tools to live by and shed my distorted attitudes.
I must add that gratitude and asset lists help tremendously in this undertaking.
I had many assumptions before I came into this program. I assumed that my loved ones were incapable of taking care of themselves (why else would they always come to me to do things for them and help them).
I assumed (deep down) that I didn't deserve to be treated respectfully because my AH and my mother could be so disrespectful and rude at times and so I tried to avoid embarrassment and accepted some unacceptable behaviour.
I assumed that I could never be happy living the life I was living and that unless someone else could make me happy I would stay miserable.
I assumed that my AH knew what was best for both of us and I made decisions based on what he thought on a regular basis.
Every day I learn to see things more clearly and all of those assumptions have been challenged. When I practiced detachment with love I saw all of my loved ones do so much more for themselves than they had ever done in the past. Not just because they have to but they seem to want to take ownership over their own issues often times.
As I learned not to accept unacceptable behaviour I found a way to speak up for myself calmly without tolerating rude disrespectful behaviour until I snapped and blew up. Now I address rudeness and disrespect and request the person not to treat me that way and remove myself from it if it doesn't change. It's not the most confrontational approach but it has been by and far way more effective than any confrontation I had in the past about it.
I learned to take responsibility for my own happiness and my own life decisions. I learned that my happiness is something I can change and I do my best to take care of me so I am my best self. I learned to trust my own decisions more and to trust in a higher power to guide me when I am unsure. I bring so much more to my relationships with people when I am not just looking to them to make all the decisions.
thanks for your service Paul.
Thank you for your service, Paul, and for the ESH above. I'm only beginning to think about how my father's alcoholism may have influenced me during childhood, this is still an unknown territory for me, and I suspect it may have contributed to some unhealthy attitudes like thirst to be accepted and liked. I doubt I could have lived through the first 12 years of my life with him and escaped the effects of alcoholism... I hope with program work I'll uncover that.
Thanks Paul for the daily and your service! Thank you all for the ESH above me.
I came to recovery with an almost backwards sense of 'reality'. I thought love meant doing for others what they could do for themselves. I thought caring meant offering advice, asked or not. When I was rejected because of an opposing view, I took it all personally and let it 'eat my lunch'.
I am grateful that I found the willingness to attend with an open mind. I am also grateful that those who came before left their egos outside and were honest and open with me. Their ability to share their strengths and defects helped me see I am not 'worse than or better than' anyone else. I deserve recovery, peace, joy and the best life I am willing to work for.
There is freedom in surrendering - that too was a new idea to me and welcome when I saw it in action. I too use the reset button as often as needed - it's a great tool we get from recovery!
Yesterday was brutal - lotsa softball in some hot weather. I got to hang with the little guys this morning - starting @ 6am! Just getting my 'normal day' started so ... a bit behind but all for good reasons. Hope your day has been awesome!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I always thought I was different. And I built on the differences. Sometimes I felt that i was lucky- because of the supports that existed around our family. And i was. I am still standing. My dad never made promises. He never came to a game, or a concert. My mum told me about one man at the bar who drank alone. "He drank with the flies." He was the alcoholic. I ask myself today- why did she make a point of telling me that?
I always feared that my dad would kill himself, or die in a car accident. I always focussed on whether his car was parked up by his house. He never ever grew and developed character and personality. I did this for myself- which I regretted and grieved for, somewhat. Bill and Lois W. And a number of other people, who were available. An Alanon family- family of choice... ...
I have an awful critical parent or critical inner child...don't know which, but now???? I take her to court...."PROVE to me that I am a jerk" "SHOW me the evidence that I am less then" I take my critic to court and challenge her....then I make my case......self talk has helped me a lot...I am now doing it to help me stay in the moment which the absence of is the root of all my frustrations wtih me...
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