The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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My father has been a drinker for most of his life but for the past five years it's been horrifically bad. Everything from washing him up to calling an ambulance due to his breathing everything has been done on his part as an alcoholic .He came to visit us for the weekend and I got a call from my grandma that my dad is at her house and the had been dropped off by the police because they found him sleeping during the day at a park because he had gotten so wasted the night before. He was staying my my sisters so I didn't know until I got the call from my grandma. I went to go pick him up and arranged for my sister to take care of my daughter and have him stay at my place because my sister wanted nothing to do with him since he broke the no drinking rule. I slept on the floor the night next to him in fear he would get up and run out the door for some booze. That morning sure enough he was leaving out the door(around 6 am) telling me he was going to go get some coffee. I immediately got dressed and took him to his first AA meeting and he had been sober for 61 days straight and attending AA meetings twice a day . I felt so proud of him! He didn't let this overcome him. Fast forward to this past weekend I got a call from his wife that he had been in a car accident and was being charged with aggravated DWI. By the grace of God he sustained no injuries or injured anyone but he was booked and now he's in the system awaiting a court date in the next couple of months and is required to do an evaluation prior to that. Since then you can already imagine it's been spiralling completely out of control. He's lives in NY with his wife and we live in VA. HIs wife has had enough but doesn't really have the heart to leave him on the streets but she's given him the 30 day get out or get put out notice. At the end of the day I wouldn't be here without that man no matter what addiction he may have let take control over. I cant fathom him being an alcoholic on the street that people just past by or even worse the next call be a call that he's dead. I cry everyday because it's like watching someone you love be physically alive but spiritually and mentally already gone. It's a pain that I tell myself I can cope with but I wouldn't be here writing this If i could cope with it alone any further. I tend to keep a lot of emotions internalized, but this one, this particular one I have to get a group of people around me for because I just cant cry alone anymore and fear that call that he's dead. I'm scared, angry, and feel hopeless that this is one of these diseases you cant control or take control of ...it has to come from the individual.
Hi, MsMedina, welcome to MIP. I just want to greet you. It is wonderful you are reaching out, this is a crucial first step to getting better. I'm still relatively new to Alanon, but it has helped me a lot, and people in this program really understand what I'm going through because our stories share many similarities. I would really suggest finding a face to face meeting if you haven't already attended any. I found the most understanding people there. Its also great to share and read here, this is a great forum and community. You are definitely not alone. Warm thoughts to you, and keep coming back!!
Thank you Aline! I've been to several AA meetings but looking to attend my first ALANON meeting soon. I need too! Way too much weighing me down with all of this. Thank you all and many blessings
-- Edited by MsMedina on Friday 7th of July 2017 11:07:14 AM
This is a great place to connect with others who understand what you are going through, it is such a difficult disease, but you speak a lot of wisdom in your post and too right - we can't go through it on our own! It is great to have you with us. (((hugs)))
Thank you. it's just really tough hearing his wife call me and tell me the state she has found him in when she come home from work. I just made him an appointment so he can go get evaluated on Monday and i'm going to pray hard that they admit him and he gets the help he needs. Thank you all again for the support. -Jackie
-- Edited by MsMedina on Friday 7th of July 2017 02:50:11 PM
Hey there Jackie - welcome to MIP --- glad that you found us and glad that you shared! Love to see/hear that you are heading to an Al-Anon meeting - we do suggest a person try several if they don't get what they need at the first. Just show up and keep an open mind - I found a lovely home group at the second place I went to....love the local support when I need it!
I can 'hear' you already aware that you are powerless....this disease just sucks - it really does - sucks (as we all say) and also sucks the life out of the diseased person as well as those who love or live with them. There is no shame ever in loving an alcoholic. I also fully relate to the sadness of watching someone self-destruct. It's a tough, tough show to watch.
Just for the record, I spent a 12 hour car ride alone talking to God and grieving my first born. I actually projected all the way to/through his death and funeral. It wasn't just a drama fast for me - I actually was trying to process the reality that this disease might very well take his life. The amazing thing about that car ride - I did conclude in the process that I would be sad and the loss would be immeasurable, but that I would be able to accept it if that's how things were supposed to be. For me, this may have even been the mind-opening I needed to realize how powerless I really, really was.
Please know that you are not alone and grieving is natural....There is tons of hope and help in recovery!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome Jackie, seeking Al-Anon face-to-face meetings is the best thing you can do to help yourself. Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic, fatal disease over which we are powerless. In Al-Anon I learned new constructive tools to live by and found a supportive network understood as no one else did.
Please keep coming back as well not alone
Thank you. it's just really tough hearing his wife call me and tell me the state she has found him in when she come home from work. I just made him an appointment so he can go get evaluated on Monday and i'm going to pray hard that they admit him and he gets the help he needs. Thank you all again for the support. -Jackie
-- Edited by MsMedina on Friday 7th of July 2017 02:50:11 PM
Hi..just wanted to welcome you to the family, here...so sorry your dad is in such bad shape....I also feel for the wife who has had to deal wtih this and is at the end of her rope....I get where she is coming from...my beloved alkie husband #2, would get so smashed he would talk to the TV and yea, he was a sweetheart, but I couldn't take it anymore...I drew a date on the calandar and said "we both get help...you , AA....Me, alanon OR we are done.....you are GONE from here" it was my house, in my name, so yea, get help or we are DONE.........he wanted the liquor more than me so i cut him loose...I can only save me...can't save another because it is not within my power.......I hope you stay here and get your teeth into the steps, slogans and literature and work this program so you can keep the focus on you and your dad?? bless his heart, he will either save himself or he won't....there isn't anything you can do to save him.....HE has to make that choice and commitment in the program and stay with it............we have online meets here if you can't find any face to face, but alanon is your freedom from stressing out over a loved one who is on this horrible path and NOONE is gonna stop him from drinking but him.......IN SUPPORT
