The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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level.
I think I have posted about this before but it's back. It seems as though when my life starts to go smoothly and I have periods of not worrying so much about other things that I start to have nightmares. I've put more effort into my program lately than I have in a while and I have really seen the benefits. I have specifically been practicing the first three steps with people I feel compelled to "influence", give advice to, etc. And it has brought a lot of peace to my life. My AH and his behaviour doesn't seem to rattle me nearly as much and I can actually enjoy the good times and step away when he's drunk and critical and argumentative. This has been a huge accomplishment for me. The last 4 nights in a row I've had nightmares. Every one is different but the theme is the same it makes me afraid and I wake up in a cold sweat. I had this a while ago and it was so discouraging because it hit right when I was in a sweet spot with my program. I've been doing what worked last time which was reminding myself that it's ok and handing it over to my HP so I can try to go back to sleep. That seems to help. I think this happens because when I was a kid living in two chaotic environments (my mom and my dad both chose abusive alcoholics as partners when they separated) I was very fearful and it seemed like no peace could last for very long. I would start to get uneasy if suddenly my step mother was too nice to me or my step father had stopped drinking for a period. And I would often wake up to a lot of chaos in the middle of the night. Even though that is not part of my life anymore I can still see how I feel more comfortable in chaos. I still don't fully trust the calm and peace. So I will keep working at letting go of the nightmares and getting back to sleep. Any ESH around this would be greatly appreciated.
I can relate somewhat. Especially to the peace not lasting. And it does seem like if things are going too well that I have some mechanism to change that. But, I can see that with the program this has changed ever so slightly. Not much but it's there. I feel like if I keep working on the program that this positive change will continue and those periods where I'm tripping myself up will decrease overall.
For sleep/insomnia issues I now listen to an Al Anon podcast. This has been more helpful for getting my mind off things and the focus back on me.
Thank you for sharing this. I often struggle with feeling fearful of other people (are they mad at me? Do they like me? Am I of value to them?) And I often imagine worst outcomes or try to manage the emotions and reactions in others (it was how I adapted to my abusive family). It is exhausting and can keep me up at night.
I bought a book for my son recently that has hypnotic suggestions and relaxation exercises woven into the story. I bought it for him, but the nightly practice of reading this sweet calming book is helping me too. I hadn't thought of it as part of my recovery until now but it is helping me learn a new way of relaxing and helping me find a new normal - based in a healthy restful ritual instead of fear and chaos.
Hanks for helping me see things in this light š
Hi KT-I have made a lot of progress and feel much better most days-more positive, happier, less co-dependent, however, I still have many horrible dreams, many filled with anxiety and being out of control. I have lived through several traumas and years of abuse, and I think when sleeping these haunts are often in my dream material. I try not to pay too much attention to them. Once awake I am grateful it was just a dream. And in reality, my life is on an uphill climb instead of being stuck in the pit of insanity which used to be there. I hope over time the awful dreams will lessen, but after all, they are just dreams and not reality. Lyne
Hi KT,
I'm sorry you're having such difficulty at night. Perhaps now that you're in a better place in your waking life, your psyche feels it has permission to process those long-suppressed emotions. We survivors of trauma did what we had to and got through it. Now, on the other side, in a safer place, our minds go to re-processing. Those dreams can be truly terrifying. I've been encouraged to journal about my dreams and ask what those images are there to tell me, let go and let God show me their purpose. Sending prayers for peaceful sleep your way.
Cathy
this is a big issue for me, even today... [ah could burble on about it for hours, but won't]... I am off to work right now but will read your share closer this evening- collect a few thoughts on the topic... and mebbe share a few words... -D.
(((KT))) - I have nightmares that come and go. I have not ever been able to determine what may trigger them - and they come in times of turmoil as well as times of peace. I'm grateful when they pass and pray about them when they happen. Yours sound worse as I don't wake too panicked but they are still a burden and disruptive. Sending you tons of hugs, loving support and prayers!
I've been having some medical concerns this week, and have been doing more daytime napping than ever.....it's been way worse so I wonder if there's a connection to my fear of the unknown and the nightmares....I have woken a bit scared - yet they are only happening during daytime sleep.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks everyone for your replies! I find it really helpful to hear all of your experience. Hugs to you all. I'm going to use the slogan "this too shall pass" and keep moving forward.
Aloha KT and thanks for the courage to express your experience with nightmares. Mine were rough from when I was young until the late fifties. My last event had me levitating off of our bed into the air and over the side onto the floor. My wife was horrified as she described it to me and then that was the last horrible one. I've done my homework on the subconscious mind and adapted some realities that certainly must have helped. The dream state isn't real it is subconscious and it cannot really hurt me other than a scare from time to time. Most of what I have had to do is calm my self and my brain and breathe softly. I don't refocus on the dream because that is where the trouble or fear is and I don't want to react it. Another thing I do is remember it is sub-conscious or below the conscious state as if unexpected reruns randomly start to re-reun. Many of the horrible and scary things that happened in my life have never re-dreamed only the emotional consequences. My nightmares were replays of the emotions of fear and terror and not the event. I know for others they get to redo the event, I don't I get emotional triggers and my body reacts physically and violently. Although I have thrashed around in the bed and even tagged my brother or wife they were never more than innocent victims of the night mare...scary. Holding the mindset that my dreams cannot hurt me releases the reactions. I hope things get better for you... 3rd step it. ((((hugs))))
KT... I was wanting to cry all the time. I was so sad. I had to fight back the urge to cry as a kid. I started having nightmares and I told my mum. She said just put some hay under my pillow to feed my night-mares. Our mum went out drinking with dad- more or less as soon as the younger ones were old enough to walk. So over time she became less and less help. I learned that if I woke myself up the nightmare would end. Then- oh mG! I started having trouble sleeping. There was no escaping the demons!
My worst experience was in a treatment centre, doing the family programme. I was terrified and started hyperventilating. I was at the point of getting to sleep and then i screamed and then catapulted out of bed- on to the floor. Things started getting pretty nasty and ugly after that...
...fast forward to now... I find that deep breathing- in measured amounts is a great sedative for me. I often do this before going to sleep- or when i feel stressed... I found with step 11 I had trouble- I was so tired and exhausted... but regular deep breathing over days weeks and months is very helpful...
...one option is to seek professional help. I think it Alanon we should always say this... no-one but ourselves and our doctor can really tell what is happening sometimes.
-D.
-DavidG