Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

And the program is still here. LOL. Welcome back. Well, you certainly are starting off in the right direction -- face to face meetings, a (temporary) sponsor, and you desire to get better (doing the work everyday).

The separating thing can be difficult. Very difficult. Whether it be co-dependency, or anything else for that matter, that "desire" or "compulsion" or whatever you want to call it, can seem insurmountable. For me, the "detachment" and the separating had two sides of the coin so to speak -- the physical detachment/separation and the emotional detachment/separation. They were related, different, distinct, and both extremely difficult. Early on, for me, it was due to desperation and survival. I was driving myself crazy every single day with the full-time job -- trying to fix it, control it, prove to her she was ruining her life, my life, trying to convince her, get her to stop, beg, plead, threaten, leave, stay, find out what she was doing, who she was with, and so on. It was emotionally and physically draining and exhausting. I kept trying to figure out why she was doing all this, and that too was driving me crazy. THis is an enigmatic, confusing, progressive, baffling, cunning, insidious, and decimating disease -- for the alcoholic, and it certainly can be for the people around them, their loved ones, family, etc.

While I was in desperation and survival mode, I still fought it. I had to do something. Right? Well, the question was -- what do I do and was it healthy, for her and for me. I learned that I could be there for her, but in a very different way than I had been, and it could be in a healthy and supportive way; both for her and for me. How? Well, I worked with sponsor, a lot. I experienced a paradigm shift, in my thinking, mindset, methodology, etc. I got this from going to a lot of meetings, doing a lot of readings, and talking to my sponsor a lot. I looked at my role, my contribution -- not to her drinking, but to all of the drama, chaos and turmoil, the arguing, the fighting, the back and forth of stress and anxiety (although it wasn't stress and anxiety for her all the time, LOL). I learned that pain was inevitable and suffering was optional -- and I didn't want to keep feeling the way I was feeling. Nothing changes if nothing changes...So, I changed. I was doing a lot of the "why" thing and analyzing everything. I stopped. I didn't need to know why, I just needed to fix myself and stop doing what I was doing. I stopped with the excuses and denial. I started to feel better right away. Much of this started with acceptance. I immersed myself in it. Absolute, complete and total acceptance. I focused on the next thing in front of me -- whether it was paperwork at the office, folding laundry, cooking a meal, whatever it was, I did it with a laser precision focus, an intensity, that I wouldn't and couldn't think about anything or anyone else. It became a challenge, and one that I wasn't going to allow to defeat me. And that proved to me I could do it. I could change my thinking. I could get better. Sometimes 60 seconds at a time. But I could. And I did.

Keep coming back.